Mr. Wine: "Everything is going to be okay!"
Rufus: "I think your mom might have unrealistic expectations about her bitch friends."
Eric; possibly in collaboration with Mr. Wine: "The only thing thicker than blood is the ink on Page Six."
Rufus: "Word. I mean wait, what? Why are you talking like Gossip Girl?"
Eric: "I have so much coffee in me that I can literally see around corners and objects."
Chuck: "Where's that girl that was here?"
Nate: "You scared Raina all the way out of the hotel. You need to stop acting like a mental patient. Or at least put your underwear on correctly and close that robe."
Chuck: "Well, you tell her she needs to stop looking for her mom."
Nate: "If you say so. I'm not really going to question anything you say today, you seem really focused and put together."
Chuck: "Andrew, I need your private investigating skills. You know how Avery Thorpe died in that fire? Could you find out if she died in that fire?"
Andrew: "Keep paying me and I'll find out about this as many times as you want, Drinky Crow."
Louis: "[Basic French vocab.]"
Blair: "[Basic French vocab.]"
Louis: "So, bad news first, but um, you're a commoner? So like, even though I hid our relationship in an awkward and insulting fashion, somebody clearly found out that I came to New York to see you, so now they've dispatched some hot dude named Lucien -- my 'royal advisor,' which is apparently a thing -- to come get me, and possibly assassinate you."
Blair, verbatim: "Well, have they have seen Princess Stephanie's husbands? I'm not a circus performer."
Louis: "I'm not saying you're, like, a 'commoner.' I'm just saying you descend from the kind of trash where we could both get murdered just for fraternizing."
Blair: "Kinda wish you'd told me this before we dated."
Louis: "Kinda thought it went without saying."
Blair: "This is clearly your doing."
Dan: "Whatever it is, probably you are right."
Stalker Charlie: (Watches Blair pick out a pink tie so that Dan can be her date to the Pink Party*; her eyes whirl around and around in her head like a scary circus.)
*(...Wait, what? Yeah, get this.)
Blair: "I can't believe you thought some random French magazine called you out of the blue to report on royalty."
Dan: "Blair, things like that happen to me in literally every episode. I no longer question everything, because I know it'll blow up in my face either way."
Blair: "Well, now our cover's blown."
Dan: "Well, I'm sorry I had nothing to do with sabotaging your love life."
Blair: "You will make it up to me through a seriously Byzantine scheme wherein we will pretend to be dating at the Pink Party, and Lucien will show up and see us making out, and realize that Louis wasn't here to visit me, so then he will go away and Louis and I can continue dating."