Blair: "That was amazing! Our ruse, I mean."
Dan: "Yeah. Our ruse."
Lucien: "Well, I have no questions. Those two are obviously in love. Or at least making out in front of numerous people."
Louis: "Yes. Their ruse."
Plastics: "WHAT? Dan HUMPHREY?"
Blair, with Lucien watching: "Yeah, you've cracked the code. We're very much in love."
Dan: "It's true, we are."
Gossip Girl: (Blows up everybody's phones.)
Serena: (Pulls a knife.)
Louis: "Hey Serena, you know it's just a gag, right? A ruse?"
Serena: "Sorry to tell you this, but they've been hitting it since Christmas, even before Cornwall. Scant relief is to be had from the fact that this is clearly all about me. But surely there's got to be a way to scorch some earth here... Got it. She was lying to you this whole time, and even lied to you in France."
Louis: "About what?"
Serena: "I'm being vague on purpose so you'll trap her in her own lies!"
Mr. Wine: "Lily, it's time to go for a jog!"
Nate: "That was a bummer over in Jersey, but still less of a bummer than watching you moon around in your housecoat drinking from the bottle and yelling at Dancing With The Stars. Peace."
Chuck: "Wait, I'm finally ready to tell you my big Thing. The reason I don't want Raina looking for Avery is because my dad blew her up. See, that's sad for everybody."
Nate: "Who told you this, Russell? How do you know he's telling the truth?"
Chuck: "You don't look a gift depression in the mouth, Nathaniel. I'm Chuck Bass."
Blair: "Serena, that was a fake kiss!"
Serena: "What about the other kiss that Vanessa overheard you talking about at the Modern Royalty photo shoot?"
Blair: "That was also fake, but in a different way where it wasn't fake. It was like making out with my brother. Or any of your other three brothers that you haven't dated!"
Serena: "Even on a Blair scale this is getting nuts."
Blair: "No, I just really wanted to be with Chuck all of a sudden. And then this time when I kissed Dan, I really wanted to be with Louis all of a sudden. Dan Humphrey's magic lips are the catalyst of all major decisions! He's like a sexy Magic Eightball!"
Serena: "Let's focus on what's really important here. Me. Serena van der Woodsen. The person that is not involved in any way with any of this."
Blair: "Okay, we were cheating on you. But only as friends. We were sneaking around being friends, and didn't want you to know, because you're like this."
Dan: "And it's bad news! I always get fucked in these situations!"