Nate and Chuck Bass get high in Central Park, and Nate's complaining about how Eleanor's going away, which will leave him alone with Blair and her sudden voracious need for sex. Chuck offers either Viagra or Paxil, or both, and notes that "Nathaniel" is acting like he's headed to his execution. See? This is all very Mystery, you know? From that other show where the ugly homosexual teaches other ugly homosexuals to abuse women, while wearing a succession of ridiculous hats. Only here, it's scarves. So after calling his buddy "Nathaniel," also kind of gay, Chuck bottom-lines it for him, how Nate and Blair have been dating forever, so how come now there's a problem? Nate thinks that this is a pretext to explain his sole dimension, which is that his dad wants him to go to Dartmouth, so he talks about that for awhile, how their whole lives have been planned out for them and they're going to end up exactly like their parents. However, Nate is wrong, because he knows the real deal, or rather several of them: he's trying to get Nate to admit that it has to do with Serena, because he knows more about Nate and Serena and their mutual thing than anybody, including Nate and Serena. Plus, he knows that this whole identity-crisis bollocks is never the actual deal, because go write poems in your stupid journal like Dan: the true problem here is that you are worried that you're settling for Blair. And you kind of are, but not quite as bad as she's settling for you. Chuck calls this whole Matrix Revolutions concept about repeating and accreting our parents' mistakes unendingly kind of dark, but scoffs at Nate's assertion that that they are, as a generation, "entitled to choose" and "just to be happy." Like anybody's entitled to that, you pansy. "Easy, Socrates. What we're entitled to is a trust fund, maybe a house in the Hamptons, a prescription drug problem. But happiness does not seem to be on the menu, so smoke up and seal the deal with Blair, because you're also entitled to tap that ass." Seriously! This rapist has the right idea!
Episode Report CardJacob Clifton: A | 1930 USERS: B-
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