"Word is that S bailed on B's party in under ninety seconds Didn't even have a single limoncello. Has our bad girl really gone good? Or is it all just part of the act?" Lest we perish from the suspense, we immediately segue to Serena walking purposefully through a hospital corridor, intent on visiting "him." So I'm guessing she's gone good. At least for today, I guess, so cross those fingers. The call nurse tells her visiting hours are over, and Serena tiredly, and without stopping, informs her that "he" is her brother, nearly weeping. Elsewhere Dan checks GG.net for more of its tasty, scandalous wares, asking the same question we're getting from GG herself: "Why'd she leave? Why'd she return? Send me all the deets! And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell... The only one. XOXO, Gossip Girl."

Which is where the credits would go, if this weren't a pilot. When we come back, Angels & Airwaves' "The Gift" is playing, for the first time in the episode. Here, it's about Serena's fierce desire to protect Eric, her little brother, which is essential to the plot: if she went to boarding school for her own self-preservation, it would have to take something huge to bring her back, and that's Eric: "And now I’ll stop the storm if it rains, I'll light a path far from here..." Later on it means other stuff. The music supervisor, Alexandra (The O.C., Grey's Anatomy) Patsavas, is who I want to be when I grow up. She's just so fucking cool! She's my Serena van der Woodsen. Who is now walking into Eric's hospital room. He's the same age as Jenny Humphrey, and his wrist is bandaged up tight, like a person who tried to kill himself, which is what he is.