Gossip Girl
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Chivalry Is Dead But You're Still Kinda Cute

Serena finally busts Chuck proper and makes a run for it, dropping her phone. While Dan is picking up S's Sidekick and watching her flee her rapist, Gossip Girl gets up in your shit some more. "And just when B and S had built a bridge, it all had to come crashing down. But dry your eyes! The Kiss On The Lips party is around the corner, and you know who loves parties? Gossip Girl." That's kind of weak sauce, Gossip Girl. Of course you love parties. It's no "can these two hotties work it out," but sometimes I really think you could benefit from thinking it through a bit more before you blog.

Nate and Nate Sr. go jogging in the park. Nate's hair looks totally cute, for only this scene, which was shot and added later, which gives me higher hopes for Nate's hair. Because with Nate, the hair is pretty much all you can form an opinion about. He admits to his dad that he fought with Blair, and Dad offers that he should apologize even if it's not his fault, and buy her things. "Always works for your mom!" he goofs. Men are so lame, when they're written so lamely. Nate's like, "No, like we broke up." Angry Dad Archibald tries to reinforce the dominant paradigm about how they've been "dating since kindergarten," which nobody would ever say, because it makes no sense, and not only that, but also, he would now like to pimp his son out like an actual crack whore. Check it: "Eleanor Waldorf is gearing up to take her company public, and I've been courting her for months to let me handle the deal." Nate takes a second to figure it out, and Dad's all like, "Just fuck her and don't piss off her mom, so Daddy can make some money." And here you thought they were going to bond or something. To Nate's credit, this kind of makes him sick. Dad says the family's depending on him. How did Nate get into the grossest situation of them all?

Dan's at the Palace getting major grief from the desk attendant even though all he's trying to do is return the Sidekick. So the concierge or whatever is just lobbing random accusations at his head, rather than doing his job, in order to create an obstacle for this scene to happen. Sadly, this involves making Dan say on-the-nose crap like, "Look, when Prince Charming found Cinderella's slipper, they didn't accuse him of having a foot fetish." Then Serena shows up, causing Dan to whimper and try to hide behind himself, and the concierge is really pushing it, and he's like, "She doesn't know me, nobody knows me, it's cool, it's fine," and meanwhile she totally does, due to her memories of almost getting casually raped being somewhat vivid, and they pants around for a while, but before anybody says anything: Lily. Who has found Serena's invite for KOTL on her nightstand, and thus has gone out to buy a dress for it. Which would have been a nice, truce-y thing for her to do if Serena were going, but of course she isn't. And she can't tell her mom why, because...I guess because then her mom will be like, "It's very important to my business ventures that you have sex with Blair Waldorf." Or something. I'm still kind of mind-blown by that whole thing with Archibald Senior. So instead of going down that whole awkward road, Serena instead says she's got a date with Dan.

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Gossip Girl

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