Gossip Girl
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 3 USERS: A+
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Chivalry Is Dead But You're Still Kinda Cute

Dan introduces himself to Lily, who invisibly winces when she hears his name, Dan Humphrey, and asks -- in a hilariously mom-like tone -- "And what are you and Dan Humphrey doing?" She's playing it really cool, actually. Dan, in order to help Serena out of this "jam," shows Lily one of the flyers from earlier, when his dad was angry with blogs. Serena pretends to be a huge fan of Lincoln Hawk, and appropriately enough, her ruse is quite over the top, and Lily's sort of bummed because KOTL is such a great way for Serena to get back into Things, and the Swing of them, but offers to just keep the dress for herself, and takes off. I guess to do some more manic-episode spur-of-the-moment errands like buying a dress the second she sees a party invitation on somebody else's nightstand. Dan begins to fade out again, but Serena's all, "So, pick me up at eight?" Dan's understandably confused, because he sort of charmingly sucks while Serena basically rules, but she points out that, all things considered, he can't be worse than the guys she does know. Which, of the two guys she knows that we also know, is very true.

"Hang Me Up To Dry" by recent recapper favorite Cold War Kids brings us back to two of them: Blair Waldorf and Nate Archibald, who stare at each other over the lunch she's not eating for a while before agreeing that they have zero problems as long as they never mention his admission last night, pretend that Serena doesn't exist, ignore all truth and live grasping at lies, and repress all their feelings by sublimating with drugs and alcohol. Thus becoming their parents! The very outcome Nate was worried about! They have ten thousand spoons, yet all Nate actually needs is a knife! What would be awesome is if Blair knew about the Waldorf/Archibald business deal, and simply doesn't care. She even twists the "Serena's going to miss you" knife.

"Time Won't Let Me Go," by my second-favorite band of the last five years The Bravery, is playing at Rufus's gallery, so I bet we'll see the uptight WASP that Rufus secretly loves at this point, and she'll be from history. Will she be a Cherry Valance? Or more like a Regina George? I've got my fingers crossed for Lily van der Woodsen, but I'm not magical or psychic like Jenny Humphrey: I've just seen TV a time or two before. Plus, they are the two most attractive people on the television program we're watching, so it would be fun to watch them make out. Or, as it turns out, to have awkward chemistry and fakey-seeming history. "Lily. Shopping for some art to match your furniture?" chuckles Rufus archly, because he's superior and obnoxious sometimes. "Why is my daughter going to one of your concerts?" blurts Lily, because sometimes she's refreshingly direct. "Because we're awesome?" asks Rufus, because he's adorable sometimes. When she tells him Serena is going to Lincoln Hawk with Dan, Rufus's pride in his son is, like, over the top, but he admits they were bound to meet; it's a small island. What would be funny is if they were related, but I don't think this show is that crazy. Yet. Lily suggests the possibility that he's using her daughter to get to her, now that his wife has left him (the wife's name is Allison, which brings horrible fears of Courtney Thorne-Smith), about which Lily has learned via the same "small-island" technology.

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Gossip Girl

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