"Hi, I'm Serena van der Woodsen. I just want to thank my friend, Blair Waldorf, for recognizing the Ostroff Center and all of the good things that they do. Thanks, Blair." Polite applause while every stares at the only Upper East-Sider to ever do drugs. "At the Center, one of the main things that we learn is forgiveness." Dan leans over, and instead of asking why Serena's being a chump right now, gets the 411 from Jenny about how it's Eric and not Serena that has the troubles. "I've learned about how, in order to move forward with our future, we must forgive those who have wronged us in the past. And we must, ourselves, ask for forgiveness from those whom we've wronged. Without this forgiveness, innocent people get hurt..." And Blair just snatches the mic and thanks her a billion times and tells her apologetic ass to get off the stage, because way to Dan it up, Serena. Gossip Girl's none too impressed either: "Honesty may be the best policy in some zip codes, but not in this one. And not this week, because 'I Was A Teenage Drug Addict' is not exactly a winning college essay." Good one, GG, except how it turns out it kind of is, depending which of the Ivy reps has experience with addiction in their own families, which is all of them.
Blair invites Dr. Ostroff onstage to explain this show's timeslot to the crowd, and Serena heads deep inside the venue without her feet even touching the ground. Lily's hilarious: "Why is Blair outing you for a drug problem that you don't have?" That kind of sums up the whole episode, doesn't it? "...You don't, do you?" Hee! Serena's like, "Moooom!" They talk more about trust and how none of them actually knows the other ones, and Lily strikes another Mama Bear stance, all, "What's happened to Eric has put a huge strain on our family, but we are still a family," and Serena's like, "Check out what I just did, I know that." Lily gets it; Serena runs off to "go end this with Blair," as though -- again -- that's possible. Serena! How did you live through childhood without burning your fingers off? "I'm just going to touch the stove one more time but this time I mean it."
She interrupts Blair's discussion with Yale with a very teenage-junkie "What the hell was that?!" Blair sweetly excuses herself, and once again Serena's like, "So, we good?" Only slightly rolling her eyes, Blair's like, "Again, no. Because nothing I do will ever be as bad as what you did to me." Serena -- who is really not making a good show of it tonight -- is like, "...Please? I'll stop if you will." Stop what? Caving? "You're just saying that because today you lost." Word. "And you're gonna keep losing." Seriously, Serena. I'm telling you this as a friend: Step. It. Up.