Gossip Girl
Poison Ivy

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
For "College Of Choice," You Put "Ninja"?

Chuck calls Nathaniel "Nate" and then Nate goes for a run with his dad, which is actually closer to how families are than the Humphreys, even with the child prostitution, and they laugh about how Chuck nailed the Princeton rep, Jenny, but where is she? I think she's imaginary. I think her number in Canada is 867-5309, that's what I think. I also think they need to explain why Nathaniel sleeps at Charles's house every night. Unless it's just because these kids go to awesome parties every five seconds, in which case, can I come live with Chuck too?

Nate Sr. springs the Dartmouth alum, Jed, on poor old hungover Nate when he shows up for their run, and Nate just about blorfs about this sudden yet inevitable betrayal, and then they run through the park, and the whole time Dad's like, "Nate is the captain of his lacrosse team, as well as being an all-star cross-country runner, but none of that 'crew' stuff. Spent the night at Chuck's again, did we? Don't answer that in front of Jed."

Jenny comes to spread some fuckin' Humphrey sunshine at the Ostroff Center, where Eric tells her that Lily's not going to throw a wobbler about the visit because "Saturday mornings are spent at Bliss," which isn't that just how teenage boys always talk, and then Jenny's like, "Shit, we're boring. Let's awkwardly exposit about your sister some more." So they do.

Blair finds Serena -- wearing a nutso hat for casting spells and staying a virgin forever while working in your magical purple garden -- sitting on a bench that doesn't actually exist here at the Bethesda Terrace in Central Park, like in Angels In America, and in double-checking that I learned about Thoth, and do yourself a favor and Google Thoth, because this is where Serena's headed if she doesn't kick Dan loose, I am telling you. Whenever something's bothering Serena, Blair says, she can always find her hanging around where it smells like pee, here at the Bethesda Terrace. Both of them are super-awesome, acting-wise, in this scene. Blair busts out a letter she wrote last year and reads it to Serena with her throat getting tighter and tighter: "Dear Serena: My world is falling apart, and you're the only one who would understand. My father left my mother for a 31-year-old model. A male model. I feel like screaming because I don't have anyone to talk to. You're gone, my dad's gone, Nate's acting weird..." Her voice breaks, but it's also awesome because she looks up like, "And we both know why that was, so let's move on..."

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Gossip Girl

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