Earlier in the AM, Jenny and Rufus were laughing at Dan for his multiple shaving lacerations, taking their shots where they might, including congratulating him on not being a hemophiliac. It was the Humphreys, and I've finally come to peace with the fact that I just hate them. Dan most of all. Anyhow, Dan was super-stressed about going to Dartmouth, Rufus and Jenny didn't care, but it's fine because when you're as self-obsessed as Dan Humphrey, do you really need the support of your family? Could it even really conceivably help you? He applied more lipstick, and explained to us, the audience, that he hasn't a trust fund or a legacy connection: merely his self-considering and self-conscious grey matter. Jenny pointed out that Dan doesn't do well under the spotlight, then continued to eat her own lipstick, half-heartedly.
Chuck offers "a little wake & bake" to his boy "Nathaniel," who reminds Chuck that they're interviewing for usher spots today, which is kind of Chuck's point. "I have my one-hitter!" he says with hushed delight. "…But underclassmen should consider this week a dress rehearsal. You are not only representing yourselves this week, but generations from our school, and your families," which means Nate, of course.
Who went running this morning, like every morning, with his dad, who accused him of running him off the path in his haste. Nate protested, but then admitted that while he may have cut him off, he certainly didn't mean to. Awkwardly as ever, Dad segued this into yet more Dartmouth talk: "You win fair and square, nothing could make me prouder... Until you get in the old alma mater, that is!" Nate whined some more about California, and Dad pointed out that, ignoring the whole West Coast thing altogether, a person with Nate's poor grades needs to at least present the appearance of "working for it." Not that Dan Humphrey, apparently the arbiter for all ethical questions in the entire state of New York, would be fooled. Nate asked why his father always treated his UCLA/USC dreams as a joke, and his father pointed out that white male supremacy is a con that's been handed down through a hundred generations through denying women and minorities equal access to higher education, and it is not Nate's prerogative to break that chain of inherited privilege. "Listen, your mother and I didn't work this hard so you can just make things up as you go along! Dartmouth, law school, Blair. Soon you're gonna have everything!" But all Nate wants is pot and Dan's approval, Dad!
Blair stares lovingly over at Nate, who ignores her and then heads out to smoke some pot with Chuck. Headmistress names Blair Waldorf as the emcee announcing this year's charity for the Community Outreach Committee, but Kati and Isabel are more interested in wondering where Serena is this morning. "...And you know what I wonder? How I'm supposed to hear anything about Yale with all this talk about Serena," Blair hisses. They are becalmed.