Gossip Girl
Poison Ivy

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
For "College Of Choice," You Put "Ninja"?

Blair came breezing down the stairs Chez Waldorf, giving one of her two impossible monologues this week, in a hyper and UIL-tinged manner, like an F. Scott Fitzgerald heroine before her soul is delivered by FedEx: "Do you remember when Dad gave me my first Yale sweatshirt? I don't think any piece of clothing has ever fit me more perfectly. Not to mention how adorable I found that bulldog. Remember when I asked you if I could get a bulldog? Good call, by the way, saying no. And now the big day is finally here! Soon Nate and I will be away at college -- him coming down to Yale, me going up to Dartmouth, Dad flying in for the Princeton game...I hope it doesn't make you feel old watching me grow up!" Of course, this speech took so long, and was so pathetic, that you know there's a punchline, named Dorota: "Eat up, Miss Blair, your mom would want you to have a good breakfast." Blair smiled that smile that falls, and popped one pithy grape into her mouth.

Putting aside thoughts of her bulimia and loveless family, Blair wonders aloud where Serena is. "That's what I said," complains Kati, and Isabel hisses, "When you weren't supposed to be talking!" As Blair continues to think of Serena, we head over that way -- noting, of course, that every other intro to a flashback accompanies some meaningful quote about the future that applies to that character; but here, the Headmistress isn't saying anything at all.

Lily hounded her daughter around the hotel room, complaining about how she was going to be late; Serena was well aware, but she'd already taken so much time to decide on the perfect seal-skin knee-high boots that there was no time left. Lily returned to the subject of Serena sleeping by Eric's bedside, was rebuffed, then started in about Ivy Week. "If I can get out of this hotel room, it's my sole mission in life to impress that Brown rep," Serena said, rushing about with no identifiable purpose. Lily was thrilled: "I mean, I know it's something we've always talked about, but honestly, since you've been back...I've wondered if your mind was even on college." Serena agreed that she'd been somewhat scattered in the, what, five days since the show started? -- but recent events have made her much more interested in getting the fuck back out of town. Lily asked after Dan, was rebuffed, asked after Blair, was brutally rebuffed, and Serena laid it on the line: "All I want to do is just finish high school in peace, and go away to a state with lots of people who don't know who I am, and just start over, okay?" Lily watched her leave and reminded her not to walk to school, since she was already running late.

Serena jumps out of her cab, uniform all crazy, mostly on purpose, to see the boys and girls of St. Jude's and Constance Billard flooding out of Chapel and back to class. "Oh, God," she says to Dan, who of course has blundered directly into her path. "God, please don't tell me it's over." Dan, because we're all in orbit around Planet Dan, is bemused: "What? You were there. I would say it's pretty over." She shakes her head with a rueful grin and points out that she obviously meant the assembly. "Oh, right. No, yeah. No, it just ended now." And all that happened was that the heads of the two schools said some shit and the choirgirls sang a song about Taco Bell. How horrible that would be to miss! They wish each other luck regretfully, and then Blair appears. "Oh, too bad you missed the assembly, not that it matters." I know, right? "Brown doesn't offer degrees in slut," Blair smiles, and turns on her heel. 15-love for the day, that makes. And it's going to be a long day. "Game on, ladies," purrs Gossip Girl, and now it's time for some will.i.am and field hockey outfits.

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Gossip Girl

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