Somehow in the very instant this is going down, the Spectator sends out a blast about how Serena and Lily are both such whores that their sexual Venn Diagrams have finally crossed. How could this happen, considering Nate is one of the people involved? The answer eludes us all, but most especially Nate Archibald, under which we can I think safely file this one without further inquiry.

FILE IT UNDER NOOP

Steven: "Well, there goes our bromance."
Lily: "Uh, why are you yelling at Nate?"
Steven: "Is he your kid too?"
Lily: "That may well have happened at some point. Now, let's get back to you and me."
Serena: "What is even going on?"
Steven: "Oh, I remember. You were Lily Mueller then [Yessss! You think that was Klaus with a K or Claus with a C?] and I had just hurt my knee skiing in Verbier, so I was all drugged up, and then we were both at the Bancroft wedding in an Irish castle and we fucked in the dungeon."
(Yeah for real that is what happened.)
Lily: "Oh you were high when we fucked? That's a relief, I just thought you were being rude when I ran into you at all those social events we're always going to."
Serena, quick when it suits her: "And yet somehow you never put together he was the same guy that was famously dating your famous daughter until just now at this horse show?"
Lily: "No, I knew. I'm just a bitch."

Bart: "Why are you here looking at horses, Chuck?"
Chuck: "What, I like horses. Big deal."
Bart: "Are you playing Lily somehow?"
Chuck: "Uh, you're the one that's having everybody followed again, which almost causes a divorce every time you do it. And sometimes gets people murdered, and sometimes you have to dress up all the Charlies as prostitutes for some reason."
Bart: "Stop liking animals. You're such a little pussy, just like your mother."
Chuck: "Which one."

SNATE

Sage: "What the hell, bro?"
Nate: "I got a list of everybody Lily ever fucked from an unnamed source, and just ran it without looking at the nam... You know what, I'm going to keep that part of the explanation to myself."
Sage: "My dad was really warming up to you. I just don't even get why you're after Lily. You're like the only person she hasn't accidentally fucked over on this entire show, including Chuck who is the only one she even likes."
Nate: "I don't have anything against Lily! Just success."