Gossip Girl
Portrait Of A Lady Alexander

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Spread Like A Sailor

Serena: "When you say it like that he almost seems interesting, but please stop judging my lifestyle. This show is one constant generation-spanning orgy. And I am looking at you when I say that, Gramps."

Sage, once again literally: "Dad, can he come to the horse show with us?"

I'm out.

DUMBO

Ivy: "This loft is full of boxes from your old life with Lily. Can I unpack them for you? I have a history of worming my way into people's lives and going through their shit, you may as well know that about me."
Rufus: "I am too busy having lost my entire fucking mind to worry about 'things.' Do whatever you want."

He goes off to this "art gallery" they won't shut up about. I hope it's a cardboard box in the park that he's decorating with little Blair Witch people. "Oh, Possum Corpse Vanessa, you say the most pretentious things. Let me just apply a bit more lipstick to your possum corpse lips... There, perfect."

Ivy: "Oh, a waffle iron. Oh, a letter from Lily about that time Rufus fucked her on the night of her wedding to Bart Bass, which would never in a million years exist because Lily is not retarded. Oh, another waffle iron. Oh, an entire lacquered box full of chokers. Oh, an entire box of lady's rollneck cardigans. Oh, Rufus's dignity. Wondered where that went. Oh and hey, Lisa Loeb! Wash that greasy hair, please."
Lisa Loeb: "I only hear what I want to."

UWS

Steven: "Why didn't you tell me you fucked Sage's boyfriend?"
Serena: "Is that a thing? What part of we have all fucked each other do you not understand?"
Steven: "I guess it's true, I knew you rolled hardcore. I've had my share of St. Jude's boys too. The life of a pharmaceutical executive with mostly gay friends is, as you can imagine, often filmed in Technicolor. But see, my shit is not about to be in a magazine."
Serena: "Ah."
Steven: "Would the author of these happen to be a massive cunt with a huge grudge against you? Maybe we should make a list of the people we've slept with, that's sure to ruin our entire relationship."
Serena: "Can we spend an inordinately long amount of time explaining to the audience and each other what sex actually is?"
Steven: "Check out this gamechanger."

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Gossip Girl

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