Gossip Girl
Portrait Of A Lady Alexander

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: A+
Spread Like A Sailor

Serena: "Um, yeah. See, one time I taped us fucking in the exact same place I fucked Nate the night I killed a man. Both times it was to glitch Blair up. I am still acting high and mighty with both of them, though. Don't you worry."


Blair: "Speaking of, let's discuss everything I have googled on Bing today, for a million years."

They do. What Blair has done, you see, is to google "Lady Alexander" on Bing, and she will now be reading the first 158,000 results aloud. Normally you can't play along with the characters on this show -- because your ass is poor, and because you deserve nothing -- but in this case feel free.

Chuck: "Shouldn't you be worried about Waldorf Designs? Specifically the part where your horror of a mother who gave you an eating disorder and made me -- a drunk gay rapist who dresses like a lawn gnome at the Source Awards -- your best option for a fulfilling relationship, specifically she is coming after your ass for tanking her company with minimal effort?"
Blair: "Shut up, I have an idea. I'm going to google Lady Alexander on Bing!"
Chuck: "Um, exactly like you've been doing all day? How is it possible that this show is being written by people who do not understand how to use a search engine? For fuck's sake."
Blair: "Yes, but this time... Aha, it has worked! Lady Alexander's portrait was painted by Brian Batt."
Chuck: "That dude from Mad Men?"
Blair: "No, this crazy hot artist of the moment. With an 'i.'"
Chuck: "Where is this even going?"
Blair: "I may be the only person on earth who cares."


Actual dialogue.

Bart: "What's wrong, the eggs overcooked again?"
Lily: "No. Well, actually yes, but that's not what's so upsetting. Eric just texted me from Sarah Lawrence*."

It's like a placeholder for where witty dialogue would go, but they never went back and painted over it. Anyway, she was on GG in re: that time she fucked Rufus.


Bart: "That's old news."
Lily: "I have no idea why I'm suddenly on the radar of this childish blog!"
Bart: "For some reason I think this is something Chuck would do."
Lily: "It's true that our son has been ignoring my calls lately."

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Gossip Girl




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