Serena: "[Throws majorly awesome shade Georgina's way. I hate that we never get to see her being a bitch to people, it's beautiful.]"
Georgina: "Serena, I need to commandeer your phone for this conversation. Can't have any secret surveillance going down, not to mention I'm going to swipe your sex tape off your phone so smoothly Jacob didn't even see me do it* the first time."
Serena: "No prob. It's like unutterably sad that I even still have it."
*(What, like I'm gonna pick up on Georgina making a sneaky face? She has like ten faces tops. All are sneaky.)
Nate: "[Money things.]"
Bart: "I have appeared! Listen, bummer about that mean profile..."
Nate: "I can't believe you just walked in here unmolested. On this show, of all places. But either way, I don't mind the Dan thing. We're all journalists here, or whatever we are."
Bart: "Your innocence is delectable. Let's talk money."
Nate: "Money? I love talking about money. You go first."
Serena: "So did you write a chapter about me?"
Dan: "It is all that I do, Sabrina."
Serena: "Seriously, douchebag. What did you write and when will it come out?"
Dan, verbatim: "Well that would ruin all the fun!"
Serena: "Jesus Christ. You can't be bitchy and resentful toward both me and Blair at the same time. You gotta pick. Now for the real, did you write about that time I fucked you on that bar at the Campbell Apartment?"
Dan: "No, I left that part out. For no reason at all."
Dan: "But I will be writing about this conversation, because you are coming off desperate."
Serena: (Looks around at the multitude of hos. Bounces.)
You know what, it's also much more fun watching Dan being bitchy. I've never liked the guy, so this is actually a step up in that he's fun to watch and not just immensely disappointing.
Nate: "So all you're saying is that you want to back my concern and then I will write nice things about you and Lily? The way everything works, all the time? Hmm."
Bart: "Yeah, look how much old sad Gen-Xers were excited to read your story on Rufus Humphrey. I figure old people are the new young people. Once they learn how to use the internet, your magazine or whatever will be the new Huffington Post for old bored white people."