Gossip Girl
Portrait Of A Lady Alexander

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Spread Like A Sailor

Nate: "First it's fluff pieces, next it's writing bad things about Chuck. I know how this works and I am not interested in being your rentboy. That was another time in my life. Get out. I have a business to destroy."
Bart: "Cool. Before I leave, one more terrible suggestion that you're going to do just because you're Nate and you immediately do whatever people say no matter how dumb it is. I want you to artificially inflate your revenue in order to get bank funding, okay?"
Nate: "Absolutely I will do that because you told me to."

Nate, immediately: "And while I'm at it... Ivy, get over here. I have an idea for how to ruin all of our lives. I am having them at a furious rate."

EMPIRE

Lily: "How come you're not answering my calls?"
Chuck: "Blah blah burying the hatchet with my father involves not talking to either of you."
Blair: "I got tix for the horse show! Oh, hey Lily."
Lily: "Well, I am coming to that for sure."

Lady loves herself a horse show.

Chuck: "Okay fine. But don't invite Bart. It would ruin my curious plan I am lying about and just made up."

SPECTATOR

Ivy: "I'm here, Nate. What's your terrible stupid idea?"
Nate: "I guess it involves you coming all the way here from DUMBO so that we can immediately go back to DUMBO."
Ivy: "The fun! It has already started."

DUMBO

Nate: "Sure are a lot of boxes in here! Full of private stuff. Your favorite kind of stuff. So listen, I know you released that story about Rufus suing Dan that you made up. Then I thought, maybe you were the one that let GG know about the Lily/Rufus hookup."
Ivy: "[Still desperately trying to make her storyline make sense by yelling about how Lily is a bitch.] Essentially, I am poor and don't understand the concept of bygones and have no reason whatsoever to be on this show."
Nate: "I've been making that work for six seasons now."

Idea: The only thing I love as much as Nate Archibald or Hamish Bowles, but in real life, is Gwyneth Paltrow, and the only thing I love as much as GOOP does not exist. My suggestion, then, is that Nate convert The Spectator to a lifestyle newsletter. Best places to buy hash, best way to scam free penthouse apartments for a just few downlow handjobs a month, the best places to pick up old withered ladies, the best gifts to bring your dad in prison besides a sock in the mouth.

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Gossip Girl

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