Gossip Girl
Portrait Of A Lady Alexander

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Spread Like A Sailor

I recently picked up Poppy Lifton's book Crimes Vs. Fashion, and was inspired by her journey from Page Six "It" girl to convicted Ponzi schemer and Bible-fund robber to fashion and health guru. After spending several years in a supermax women's prison learning makeup tips and macrobiotic cooking from a centuries-old Tibetan monk, Poppy has returned to the Upper East Side older, wiser, and I think much stronger. I was so inspired by her fictional plan to build satellites in Africa for some unexplained reason that I actually just handed my iPhone to a child last week outside a Broadway opening. I didn't immediately recognize the kid in question as Jaden Smith, but...

NOOP. Think about it.

Nate: "But listen, old people don't read Gossip Girl. You should do what Bart blatantly told me to tell you to do, and publish your poison pen bullshit on my reputable fanzine or catalog or app."
Ivy: "I thought young people don't read Gossip Girl. Who the hell reads Gossip Girl?"

HORSES HORSES HORSES

Lily, verbatim: "...But why would you insist on keeping your attendance at an equestrian event a secret?"

The new lie is that Chuck is thinking of buying this horse farm, and he doesn't want Bart to know he's doing it until he's sure about the deal. Lily is ever so proud of this plan.

Lily: "I know the place quite well. I actually put my horses there when we first moved back out east. And... I mean, I could show you around? I promise, not a word of this to your father."

Heartbreaking, really.

SERENA, EPICALLY

"...And then there was Ben, [with whom] -- contrary to some forged documents -- I didn't sleep [...] when I was fifteen. Not until after he got out of prison. And that was the last guy I was with before you."

Steven: "That was a year and a half ago? Not even one random hookup, between the jailbird and me?"
Serena: "Not counting for coke, no. Is that so hard to believe?"

Sage: "Good news! Nate is also going to the horse show. We can talk about how we've all fucked each other, it'll be good family fun."
Serena: "Are you sure you want me to come along?"
Sage: "Yeah, you've proven an effective ally against my dad. Which is really super healthy."
Serena: "Yes! I am the best stepmother of the universe!"

HORSES

Lily, again verbatim: "Bart dear, I know you're going to be devastated, but I was thinking we should cancel our dinner with the Kranzlers this evening."

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Gossip Girl

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