Gossip Girl
Prêt-à-Poor J

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Max, meanwhile, is pointing his camera back at himself making out with Agnes, because he's so lame it doesn't matter if he's gross. "Um... If you guys want to be alone, that's cool. I can just call later..." Agnes is like, "Do what?" and Jenny explains that they were supposed to go to a party, which while in some circles may signify sitting there like the fat friend while your girlfriend gets skanky with a skeezix right in front of you, that is not the particular definition she was imagining when leaving her father's gallery, and perhaps there was a miscommunication as regards their consensual and communal use of the word "party" in tonight's context that they should really reconcile before things move forward. Agnes laughs and says that nobody goes until midnight anyway, which is both true and totally defuses the weirdness. Well done. I really want to figure out more about Agnes because so far I think I would like to hang with her. I mean, I'm pretty sure I have, but I think this particular one I could handle.

And then! The most amazing thing! "How Soon Is Now" comes on, and Agnes pulls Jenny up off a chair and they start dancing around to it. Right? Because "You shut your mouth/ How can you say I go about things the wrong way?" and "When you say it's gonna happen now/ Well when exactly do you mean?/ See I've already waited too long" equal Jenny, and "I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does" equals Blair and Chuck absolutely, and "I am the son and heir of nothing in particular" I feel strongly equals Aaron Rose, and "I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar" equals Dan forever and ever and ever because fuck him.

Except! It's the t.A.T.u. version, which brings an entire avalanche of shit into the mix that has nothing to do with the original song, because it's being sung by Russian girls who don't even speak English, which Aaron Rose would like because it deconstructs your "music is communication" binary into complete static in a specifically linguistic way, and these particular Russian girls were (are?) also fake lesbians in schoolgirl dresses, which is about knowingly playing into objectifying stereotypes in order to commercialize yourself, which plays into Max's snap-snap-snap bullshit from earlier, and the fact that Willa Holland's always been about thisclose to going full-on LiLo anyway, plus the rapey threesome vibe in the air where girls don't ever make out unless a disgusting college-age fuckup is watching -- just like the band t.A.T.u., of which that was the entire point -- and the fact that it was a radio single right around when Willa, Taylor, Agnes and Jenny (the only age-appropriate castings in the history of the show besides like Bart Bass) would have been dancing-around-the-bedroom age, so it's both natural and innocent and really scary that they're dancing around now while Max is snapping pictures and we're watching this happen too, and... I don't think I've been this pleased with anything having to do with t.A.T.u. since... ever. Although as an added bonus disclosure, I will admit to randomly listening to this cover, an oldie but a goodie, all last week before this episode even showed up. Which does reflect on me.

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Gossip Girl

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