Gossip Girl
Prêt-à-Poor J

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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There was a moment -- forgive my lack of Youtube Fu today, but I can't find a good copy -- in an early season of The Hills when Lauren does that ridiculously fabulous "I want to forgive you... And I want to forget you" thing to Heidi, and Heidi looks at her for a split second and stands up, grabbing her purse: "Well it's been great seeing you bye!" Back when Heidi had a Zen and Tao and a soul, at the tail end of that time. I just love it and I have it in my pocket in case anybody says anything truly appalling at some point, because way to cut and run. "This has been great, but I'm going to bolt faster than the human eye can follow. Thanks for your hospitality!"

Anyway so Blair grabs her martini and blows it off: "Yeah well I'll just keep on looking thank you you've been very helpful." Her hands are shaking. "To friendship," she says, raising her glass, and then... oh, B. She spills it all over his crotch, and immediately starts rubbing at the stain. That is some painful shit right there. He stands up with a towering rage: "I gave you a shot." Her face falls, because my God. Blair Waldorf, pulling this embarrassing shit? She's dropping pieces of herself and marbles all over the place, and it's so ... gross. And hilarious. "While your efforts were admirable, I'm bored." She gets even sadder, and then the real bomb: "And you ruined my pants." She begs with her eyes one last time, and he says goodnight and leaves her standing there. Ugh, that made my tummy hurt. I've embarrassed myself to a similar degree plenty of times, but in a more screaming-obsessive-car-window-shattering mode, not so much with the grabbing dick method, but still: What are you doing to yourself when you give up control?

In the Bedford Avenue Gallery, Grimbletooth is applying the last of his mighty words to the wall. Because it's an installation, you see, of deep shit in big letters on the wall, crossed with some kind of irritating, incomprehensible microphone system and glowing ball of bullshit, everything commenting on everything else and thereby deconstructing the nature of communication itself like something found in a balled-up tissue by Jacques Derrida's bedsit. I will not hold it against Schnerdlyfroo because I like him, and because: whoever sent Rufus Humphrey trolling at RISD knew what they were doing in about six different ways, because not only is it empty and silly and Nineties, but it's also Beginner Art for Stupid People, which is exactly what Rufus should be selling. Remember in the Yale episode when Blair warned Serena about studying Semiotics? This is literally why.

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Gossip Girl

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