SERENA PLANS CAN ALSO BE LIKE
Lola: "Can I say something? I will tell Gossip Girl about it! Why, I think that's her now!"
Serena: "Hey, I just wandered around the parking lot for a while and then realized it wasn't an actual raid, so I came back inside. How's it going?"
Lola: "Serena, this sex club is being run by Diana, and we need Gossip Girl to tell everybody! For some reason."
Serena: "Cool, I just left my laptop unattended downstairs, knowing that the real Gossip Girl was around here somewhere and obsessed with exacting vengeance on me and getting her website back. I'll just write the blast on my phone instead of checking into that situation... Hey, it says I'm locked out! That's weird. Hang on while I sign into this website again..."
Diana: "-- Not to interrupt this riveting television show of a debutante trying to log into a website on her phone, but I am going to get the fuck on up out of here."
Jack: "Blair, you probably shouldn't tell Chuck about Mrs. Rochester."
Blair: "Of course I am going to! Do you realize how many annoying storylines this will quash?"
Jack: "That's exactly what I mean. You have the potential to fuck up literally everybody on this show, if it's Bart, because that means Lily is a bigamist, which will ruin the lives of half of the characters, and Chuck hasn't tried to commit suicide in a while so that'll probably go down, and then your relationship with Dan will be doubly doomed, and it'll fuck things up for Serena and Lola, and everybody will be poor. Except you."
Blair: "Then I gotta go tell Chuck tout suite. Let's get this shitstorm started."