Who is going to the whorehouse? Everybody. Why are we going to the whorehouse? To find Diana's secrets, Uncle Jack's whereabouts, and -- God willing -- a steamin' cup of Carter Baizen.
Serena: "Wait, what about me trying to figure out Gossip Girl?"
Everybody: "That is so irrelevant. Gossip Girl is so irrelevant."
Serena: "ARGH! SERENA SMASH!"
Dan: "Taxi driver, follow that limo containing all my friends! Covertly!"
Cabbie: "This is going to be the most expensive cab ride of your life."
SERENA PLANS ARE LIKE
Diana: "My book! How did you get it?"
Serena: "I said, can I have that book? And they said yes."
Diana: "Cool. Well, here's that useless number. Now I have to go to a sex club."
Lola: "Hey, Serena. Imagine seeing you here, moments after I saw you upstairs. Can I help you track down Gossip Girl? Since I'm the only person who knows you're impersonating her, I kind of feel implicated. And I'd rather you were GG, because from what everybody is saying you're much less effective at it."
Serena: "Oh, am I? Because I just did technological magic feats and am now tracking the GPS of that obsolete burner phone all over the place."
Lola: "Unlikely, but I'm scamming you anyway so whatever. Let's hop in my sad van and track that bitch down!"
Nate, Chuck and Blair arrive at the sex party, and two-thirds of them are scandalized!
Chuck: "Yeah, you guys weren't really in that storyline, huh. Know then that I have had dealings with them. A lot of shitty actresses come through here, and I fuck 'em all. Sometimes they roam empty houses with candles and then get kidnapped by Carter Baizen, the lucky bitches. Other times, that is itself an elaborate hoax."
Everybody: "So it makes sense for Uncle Jack to be here, but we're actually tracking Diana. That's a different storyline. Are you saying that Uncle Jack is just randomly going to be here?"
Chuck: "That is what I'm saying."
Ho: "Are you the random people who didn't give their name? And are clearly children? Come right in. Can I show you to the various bedrooms, Chair?"
Chair: "You absolutely can do that."