Hos be climbin' all over old white guys, everywhere you look. There aren't any masks this time, but the old white guys are doing even more sinister shit than usual, like caressing the faces of the hos in slow-motion, or making them stand very still and eat an orange, or do a dance to no music. The vibe is like, there is a room somewhere in this house where maybe not everybody comes out of there again at the end of the night.

Old White Guy: "Jolly proud erection you have there."
Old White Guy: "Body by Bowflex, hard-on by Pfizer."
Old White Guy: "This is so much better than golf."
Old White Guy: "This is pretty much exactly the same thing as golf."

Nate: "All alone at the sex party. I wonder how I will spend my time. I wonder what I am doing here, and why. Hey, is that Cee Lo Green?"
Serena & Lola: "Nate, hi! We just randomly got handed these waitress ho clothes, so I guess we're undercover."
Nate: "I guess the madam is named India? A fairly obvious near-anagram?"
Serena: "Yes, but for what?" (Momentary blond threeway of confusion.)
Nate: "Just remember that sneakiness is of the essence."
Serena: "This is not my first rodeo. I'm gonna pass some apps."
Lola: "This is absolutely my first rodeo! And it is awesome!"

You got me, Lola. You got me there.

CHAIR

Ho: "So you didn't like the four-poster bed? I figured you for a royalty fetish."
Blair: "Until lately."
Chuck: "Do you have like a dark, small space? Closet, attic, wine cellar?"
Ho: "You realize you're not the only people here, right?"
Blair: "Just show us every room of the house, including the ones where people are fucking."

This is exactly the kind of shit that is going to prove Dan Humphrey right. I just know it.

HUMPHREY

Taxi: "Meter's running, kid. [He actually says that.] We just gonna stare up at the sex club mansion all night, or what?"
Dan: "Hang on, I have to whine to my papa some more before I decide to do anything."

Rufus: "So now you've stalked her to a sex mansion? That's like the opposite of trusting her."
Dan: "And yet it is indubitably a sex mansion, into which she has gone, with Chuck."
Rufus: "It's only the past two seasons that make me think probably you're still the one being paranoid, because there is no limit to how contrived these Blair-mistrusting scenarios can get, but know this. If you go in there, you're only going to have one explanation, and that will ruin your relationship. So what are you going to do?"
Dan: "Not go to Rome, that's for goddamn sure."