Gossip Girl
Raiders Of The Lost Art

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Jackdaws, Or: Humphrey's Complaint

"Welp, I guess the last two episodes are going to be my brain going swiftly down the shitter. Probably start Season Six in a Betty Draper Fatsuit thanks to you assholes."

GARDEN

Chair: "Where's the rest of the cast gone?"
Chair: "Like it matters."
Chuck: "Hey, you look really fucked up. You look like I felt when I realized Jack Bass was my..."
Blair: "-- Let's just get out of here."
Chuck: "No more secrets, okay? Just tell me what's going on. Your seriousness is freaking me out."
Blair: "For once, it's not about me. But okay. I think you should go back in that house after I leave."

DUMBO

Dan: "Lucia, it's Dan Humphrey, author of Inside."
Lucia: "I was just about to get on a plane. Have you decided about Rome?"
Dan: "My girlfriend wants me to go..."
Lucia: "Great!"
Dan: "...Which means I'm not."
Lucia: "Well, today was a fucking waste. Later."

INDIANA

Diana: "Shouldn't the boat be here by now? I was so looking forward to riding a boat away from this sex mansion in the middle of the night."
Jack: "Thanks for pretending to call the cops into your own sex party. Not that it helped, in any way."
Diana: "This ridiculous Byzantine plot is going to seriously cost you, once I go back to being just one person."
Jack: "Or maybe I'll just have you murdered."

NOLA

Nate: "Man, waiting around for GG to get back online is a real bummer."
Lola: "About that. Serena said GG already knew Diana's big sex secret, so she's probably not going to care. Also, everybody is in cahoots with everybody else at this point, so there's that also."
Nate: "Then who can we tell? I wish I owned a magazine or website or webzine or newspaper or podcast or blog or something."
Lola: "Nate, you might own each and every one of those things. Nobody knows for sure. But you do own at least one of them."
Nate: "Are you saying I should use my newspaper to say the news?"
Lola: "Is there a downside to that?"
Nate: "Only one of us in this room is capable of that kind of critical thinking. And it ain't me, sister."

EX-GGHQ

Dorota, verbatim: "Why you eat berries in dark?"
Serena: "Because I am losing it, Dorota. I am straight-up fucking losing it."

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Gossip Girl

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