Alessandra: "Hey, just chilling in your house, alone, going through your stuff."
Dan: "I am okay with you doing whatever you want. Sad to say, though, that I have no manuscripts to show you."
Alessandra: "I figured as much, based on your entire personality. But I have a plan!"
Dan: "What is it?"
Alessandra: "It's a secret!"
Dan: "Again, I'm relatively unfamiliar with the duties of a literary agent, so this all seems normal. What do you need me to do?"
Alessandra: "Meet my mysterious creepy friend for lunch. Tell nobody."
Dan: "But I'm having lunch with my control freak girlfriend who's legitimately going through an identity crisis!"
Alessandra: "Not anymore you're not!"
SOME RANDOM STREET
Blair: "Chuck. I don't have time for any of your nonsense, I have a very busy day planned."
Dan text: Please do not eat lunch with me today.
Chuck: "But I need you to decrypt a coded message!"
Blair: "That sounds legit, sure."
Serena: "Fuck you want? I'm blogging!"
Lola: "I just wanted to apologize for standing up for myself every time you lie to my face. And for having lunch with my biological father, causing you to become evil."
Serena: "Get the hell out of here. And don't tell anybody I'm Gossip Girl, or else."
Lola: "Okay, listen. Diana is working with the real GG to take you down. And I think she has secret secrets of Diana's, above and beyond the fake one I blew up last week."
Lola: "But if you could figure out Diana's big secret first, then we could beat both of them. Problem is, her stolen datebook is in code."
Serena: "So call Blair."
Serena: "Actually, no, wait. I seem to remember seeing a slim leatherbound volume lying around the place, once or twice, with gold embossing on the cover reading THE SECRET KEY TO MY CODED DAYRUNNER. That might help?"
Lola: "Uh, you're right. That does sound like a clue, Serena. Do you think you could get that for me?"
Both Of Them, Silently: "This bitch thinks she's so smart."
Serena Text to DP: I told them there was a secret codebook! Our plan, such as it is, will most likely succeed!
Serena: "No book yet. But I found a Big Ben paperweight!"