Gossip Girl
Raiders Of The Lost Art

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Jackdaws, Or: Humphrey's Complaint

Blair: "Again, do what you gotta do. I'm busy."

EMPIRE

Chuck: "Nathaniel, you must remember something Diana was doing that was unusual on those Saturdays."
Blair: "Besides you, of course..."
Lola: "Your datebook just says gym, gym, bangs trimmed, gym."
Nate: "Enough of the gentle ribbing. It is not for my pleasure."
Serena: "I have to go steal this book now."

Seconds pass before they realize Serena ran off with the book, and they chase her to the elevator which is a few feet away, and then the door closes in their faces, and I guess that's a win for Serena. It's fairly awesome to watch, especially with their little helpless faces like, "Well, the elevator door closed. I guess that's it for us."

HUMPHREY

Rufus: "So wait, Blair wants you to go to Rome..."
Dan: "Yeah! She couldn't have been happier for me! The bitch."
Rufus: "No, go back. That's the part I'm not getting."
Dan: "I want her to be happy for me, just not that happy."
Rufus: "Daniel, I want you to think very hard about what you just said, and then even harder about what I'm about to say. Rufus Humphrey thinks you're being an asshole."

Dan: "Which would give me pause normally, but I seem to have contracted that virus of Louis's where to love Blair is to distrust her for no reason."
Rufus: "Are things really so dark that I am suddenly the voice of reason?"
Dan: "It happens once a season, so I guess yes? I guess I just want her to be obsessed with me and work against my own happiness and empowerment. You know, like I do to the women I love."
Rufus: "Or you could act normal for like one second."
Dan: "You're right. I have to stalk her immediately and undermine our mutual trust on every level, eventually using our love as a flimsy excuse to avoid actual work. That way I can sabotage my relationship and my career, at the same time."
Rufus: "God, you're such a fucking Humphrey."

EMPIRE

Everybody: "Fucking Serena, fucking everything up for everybody like usual."
Serena: "Sorry, guys! I just wanted to leverage Nate's career against my desire to get an obsolete phone number everybody already has."
Everybody: "What?"
Serena: "I keep telling everybody that my hobby of being Gossip Girl is the only thing that's keeping me alive. Why can't anybody hear me when I say this?"

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