Cabbie: "This is going to be the most expensive cab ride of your life."
SERENA PLANS ARE LIKE
Diana: "My book! How did you get it?"
Serena: "I said, can I have that book? And they said yes."
Diana: "Cool. Well, here's that useless number. Now I have to go to a sex club."
Lola: "Hey, Serena. Imagine seeing you here, moments after I saw you upstairs. Can I help you track down Gossip Girl? Since I'm the only person who knows you're impersonating her, I kind of feel implicated. And I'd rather you were GG, because from what everybody is saying you're much less effective at it."
Serena: "Oh, am I? Because I just did technological magic feats and am now tracking the GPS of that obsolete burner phone all over the place."
Lola: "Unlikely, but I'm scamming you anyway so whatever. Let's hop in my sad van and track that bitch down!"
Nate, Chuck and Blair arrive at the sex party, and two-thirds of them are scandalized!
Chuck: "Yeah, you guys weren't really in that storyline, huh. Know then that I have had dealings with them. A lot of shitty actresses come through here, and I fuck 'em all. Sometimes they roam empty houses with candles and then get kidnapped by Carter Baizen, the lucky bitches. Other times, that is itself an elaborate hoax."
Everybody: "So it makes sense for Uncle Jack to be here, but we're actually tracking Diana. That's a different storyline. Are you saying that Uncle Jack is just randomly going to be here?"
Chuck: "That is what I'm saying."
Ho: "Are you the random people who didn't give their name? And are clearly children? Come right in. Can I show you to the various bedrooms, Chair?"
Chair: "You absolutely can do that."
Hos be climbin' all over old white guys, everywhere you look. There aren't any masks this time, but the old white guys are doing even more sinister shit than usual, like caressing the faces of the hos in slow-motion, or making them stand very still and eat an orange, or do a dance to no music. The vibe is like, there is a room somewhere in this house where maybe not everybody comes out of there again at the end of the night.
Old White Guy: "Jolly proud erection you have there."
Old White Guy: "Body by Bowflex, hard-on by Pfizer."
Old White Guy: "This is so much better than golf."
Old White Guy: "This is pretty much exactly the same thing as golf."