Gossip Girl
Raiders Of The Lost Art

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Jackdaws, Or: Humphrey's Complaint

Nate: "All alone at the sex party. I wonder how I will spend my time. I wonder what I am doing here, and why. Hey, is that Cee Lo Green?"
Serena & Lola: "Nate, hi! We just randomly got handed these waitress ho clothes, so I guess we're undercover."
Nate: "I guess the madam is named India? A fairly obvious near-anagram?"
Serena: "Yes, but for what?" (Momentary blond threeway of confusion.)
Nate: "Just remember that sneakiness is of the essence."
Serena: "This is not my first rodeo. I'm gonna pass some apps."
Lola: "This is absolutely my first rodeo! And it is awesome!"

You got me, Lola. You got me there.

CHAIR

Ho: "So you didn't like the four-poster bed? I figured you for a royalty fetish."
Blair: "Until lately."
Chuck: "Do you have like a dark, small space? Closet, attic, wine cellar?"
Ho: "You realize you're not the only people here, right?"
Blair: "Just show us every room of the house, including the ones where people are fucking."

This is exactly the kind of shit that is going to prove Dan Humphrey right. I just know it.

HUMPHREY

Taxi: "Meter's running, kid. [He actually says that.] We just gonna stare up at the sex club mansion all night, or what?"
Dan: "Hang on, I have to whine to my papa some more before I decide to do anything."

Rufus: "So now you've stalked her to a sex mansion? That's like the opposite of trusting her."
Dan: "And yet it is indubitably a sex mansion, into which she has gone, with Chuck."
Rufus: "It's only the past two seasons that make me think probably you're still the one being paranoid, because there is no limit to how contrived these Blair-mistrusting scenarios can get, but know this. If you go in there, you're only going to have one explanation, and that will ruin your relationship. So what are you going to do?"
Dan: "Not go to Rome, that's for goddamn sure."

INDIA

Nate: "Bouncer! I fear I have been roofied!"
Bouncer: "Uh, you are at a sex party. How about you just roll with it?"
Nate: "No way! Have you seen me? That is a recipe for disaster. I demand to speak to India."
Bouncer: "Only because you are pretty much the personification of sex do I see your point."

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Gossip Girl

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