Good Lord. I mean, it's well set up, it's all tracking in a neat way, but dang. Seems like somebody's been watching the show, all of a sudden. Interesting, isn't it? You can't help but, with a finale, see where all the pieces are going to fit. And at this point, with both presumed season-ending couples in a hell of their own devising... I mean, what if everybody just spontaneously turned back into people at this point? How great would that be?
A WEEK LATER
Chuck: "I am going to partner up with Uncle Jack and take Bart out at the knees. It's a deal with the devil, but I know we can get back what he stole."
Nate: "What a fun storyline! What will I be up to?"
Lola: "I'm still going on tour. So I guess it's just you and The Spectator."
Nate: "Aw, man. Still?"
Lola: "Also, in keeping with how I am the worst, I have donated Carol's half of the Rhodes estate to..."
Lily: "Thanks for getting an annulment, Rufus. I am really happy to not be married to you anymore."
Rufus: "I have no convictions, so okay."
Bart: "How are you doing with all this?"
Lily: "I look forward to being the trophy rather than the tropher."
God's in his heaven, and everything is right with the world. Now all we need is for Rufus to go on a long drive with an ice cream sandwich, and things will be perfect.
Serena: "Hey, I guess I've been wandering the streets for the last week. Can I use your shower?"
Dan: "I am too busy deleting every email Blair's sent me this week and packing for Rome, to even give you a proper dressing-down."
Serena: "We were both there! We both chose to do each other!"
Dan: "I was feeling sorry for myself, you were trying to destroy your best friend. Both gross reasons, but to compare is not to equate. As far as I'm concerned, our parents' divorce means I never have to see you again. Farewell."
Serena: "But I love you!"
Dan: "I said Farewell!"
Serena, outside: "Mysterious person, we must scheme. I have lost everything, even more so than this season has already set up -- pretty delicately, in hindsight, insofar as my desperation came off as more than just a plot device by the end -- and I am ready to go twice as crazy."