PLACES TO LIVE

Serena's making movie deals, but Blair won't talk to her houseguest. Speaking of how it's your house and you should get to decide who lives there, Chuck learns that apparently Nate has invited Lola to come live with them and doesn't think that's a terrible idea -- which it is -- because he is busy having stars in his eyes because Bart is alive. Over in DUMBO, Rufus is being ignored by Lily, and Lily is just finding out back at PRADA that Bart is alive. She pours vodka directly into her teacup and slurps it a tiny bit.

DIARY OF A MAD BLAIR WOMAN

Serena: "I didn't send her that shit, I just scanned your diary into my laptop to see how technology works, and then she stole it."
Blair: "That does make more sense, but you're still in big trouble. I stole Dan's phone because he can only access the Internet through his phone, but you also put stuff about my bitch mother in there, and GG is continually releasing pages like timed landmines throughout every part of my life."
Serena: "Well, Dan's a pretentious writer, surely he understands that private diary thoughts are not worth fucking about with. Haven't you read Harriet the Spy, or seen Girls?"
Blair: "You know as well as I do that nobody under forty in New York will admit to watching that show."
Serena: "I will do what I can to fix it. And by that I mean, I will be ineffectual in most ways."

Blair: "Dorota! Make a list of every bitchy thing I ever journaled!"
Dorota: "This be full-time project."

NOLA

Lola: "I'm so excited! I'm going on tour with Wicked!"
Nate: "I was going to keep you as a pet. Sad face."
Lola: "It's also about getting theatrical experience, though. So this is a non-factor, right?"
Nate: "Technically yes, but this face of mine has gone into full pout mode."