Lily: "Lola, if you need any money for Carol's defense..."
Lola: "I have shitloads of money. And her lawyers are working for free anyway."
Vanya: "Mrs. Humphrey, I have unrelated legal matter for you."
It's the annulment papers, signed, which means Bart took Rufus at his word, which is ridiculously stupid. Lily tells Lola to leave so she can go freak out, having lost -- as far as she knows -- her Bart Bass lifeline, but of course Lola sneaks a peek at the envelope: It's from Abrams & Weil, and since she doesn't know this is about the bigamy stuff she presumably presumes that Lily is pulling some shit on her mom.
Lola: "As long as everybody else is merrily marching into hell, I might as well be a part of it. Let's fuck everything up for everybody, shall we?"
Blair: "Hey, Chuck. Heard any good jokes lately?"
Chuck: "B, I'm more mature than that. What do I care about some shit you wrote in your diary a year ago? We've had some really intense and honest conversations since then."
Blair: "Exactly! Thank you. Nobody seems to get that, even though it's obvious."
Chuck: "Oh, I'm not done. Are we back in love? Have you dumped Dan yet? Because I'm moving on with my life otherwise."
Blair: "Um. I have not broken up with Dan. At this time."
Chuck: "Then this isn't exactly an ultimatum, is it?"
Dan text: This is what an ultimatum looks like. If you don't show up at the Shepherd Divorce Party and say the exact words in the exact order that I've been whining about for weeks now, I will take somebody's virginity at the top of the Empire State Building.
Absolutely stunning. She's headed out for the Shepherd Party, either because Blair fired her from Serena Recon duty or because that's part of her cover story, but either way it doesn't matter, because Serena buys her out from under Blair with an offer she can't refuse: Serena, Penny and the rest of the Minions are going to take Blair the fuck out.
It won't give S a home, but then she doesn't need one anymore. Just a cave with a cauldron and Internet access. As much as I was sorta dreading how this would all go down, I admit I'm impressed. They so quickly rerouted this storyline from "one small detail about Dair" to "everything everybody did" that it couldn't be less about Dan, just as I hoped. And the issue of blame, too, is instantly gone now that everyone's nuclear all of a sudden. We are all sons of bitches now. Serena Plan!