Penelope, suddenly: "Hey guys, what's going on?"
Eleanor: "You are being rude, asshole."
Penelope: "Well, just to delay, I should tell you that Serena is wearing a very similar outfit to the Shepherd Divorce. Serena Plan!"

SHEPHERD

Dan: "I am woozy! You sure do know a lot of drinking games."
Serena: "Baby, by the time this night's over I'll have committed another murder. Serena Plan!"
Dan: "I should drunk-text Blair while I can still spell."
Serena: "No! It'll ruin the romance of her showing up some time in the future, like you demanded she do or else."
Gossip Girl: "Here is a picture of Chuck Golluming out about his engagement ring."
Serena: "That is crazy."
Dan: "Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion and without context, like always."
Serena: "Or else they are going to get married and you'll look like an asshole."
Random Waitress: "Here is a thing of drinks all over your clothes!"
Serena: "We'd better go somewhere mysterious and take off these wet clothes. It's a bar that's identical to the one in the Apartment where I fucked Nate."

Eleanor: "Still here, bitch?"
Penelope: "Where's Blair?"
Eleanor: "She left through Serena's room to avoid you. She's a Powerful Woman, you idiot. She can spot a Serena Plan a mile away, especially when it depends on Being Places."
Penelope: "Serena does tend to underestimate other people's ability to do that."

INSIDE

Penelope texts Serena with the bad news, that Blair's on her way just as Dan childishly demanded, so Serena shifts her game into Ultra Hardcore Mode.

Serena: "Can you unzip my dress? When you show a little skin it reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex."
Dan: "Not subtle, but not wrong either. [Babble.] Anyway, I can't imagine that she would do something like agree to marry Chuck without telling me first."
Serena: "True, but I'm going to disagree on a technicality. We're like best friends, right? So listen when I tell you that Blair is a bitch and I've been watching her mistreat you all season."
Dan: "That's one way to contextualize things, I guess. But Blair isn't really that person..."
Serena: "She is exactly that person. We've both been thinking she'd changed, but -- at least for you -- that's because you've gotten her confused with Clair from Inside. Maybe she has too. The important thing is that you're a hipster boy who falls in love with your fantasies about women and not the women themselves."
Dan: "True enough."
Serena: "Hey, I should know. And anyway, I guess I'm feeling the champagne and the nudity right now, because it's making me say that Blair's scheming ass probably only ever dated you because she knew that I was still in love with you."
Dan: "Right words, wrong lady. Or is it?"