Lily: "Bart, I don't mean to keep you from your press conference but I wanted to talk to you about annulment papers. I admit they were kind of a shock."
Sneaky Bart: "I mean, I assumed Rufus was on the up-and-up when he brought them to me, so I signed them. Your happiness being so important to me, who respects you."
Lily: "That sly motherfucker. Let me tell you a thing or two about Rufus Hum..."
Rufus: "-- It is I! Rufus Humphrey! All-time hypocrite! How dare you two share a drink before a big event!"
Bart: "Heh. My work here is done. I just wish I could watch you guys fight about this, but I have to go rise from the dead now."
Lily: "So you snuck around and got him to agree to end our marriage? And for what, like we're doing so hot? We haven't spoken in weeks, you make me feel like an asshole as like your primary preoccupation, and now you're making decisions for me like this?"
Rufus: "I just worried he would manipulate you into staying married to him, so I decided to solve things the Humphrey Way."
Lily: "Surprise! He signed the papers. Which I am now tearing up."
I had this irrational desire that she would ball them up and shove them in Rufus's mouth and he would choke on them. How weird. What's even weirder is, it seems like this is exactly how Bart wanted things to go down: Like Solomon cutting the baby in half, only Bart Bass is himself the baby. That takes confidence, my friend.
Bart takes the podium, after a sweet introduction from his son; Dan and Serena fuck on the bar at the Shepherd divorce; Blair's in a car -- going where? -- to tell her final choice who she wants. Who will it be? I hope we don't have to wait too...
Ah. Blair arrives -- at the press conference! -- just in time to see Bart assume control of Bass Industries, and watch Chuck's whole lovely face just fall apart. Goodness.
I mean, I don't want Dan or Chuck to be unhappy, exactly, but everything is happening in such a scummy way that the surprise -- Blair seems to have actually chosen Chuck -- is buried under a lot of different feelings. You know? The trick to moving your chess pieces around is to do so much, so quickly and simultaneously, and with so much meaning behind every move, that you stop even seeing it as chesspiece-moving. I was thinking at the beginning of the episode that it would really benefit from a Sixties-style splitscreen situation, which was in vogue for a while with TV directors and then went away again, but I feel like I'm going nuts just because it's all happening: What if it was really all happening?