Gossip Girl
Return Of The Ring

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 8 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Fallout Girl

DUMBO

Serena: "Hey, I guess I've been wandering the streets for the last week. Can I use your shower?"
Dan: "I am too busy deleting every email Blair's sent me this week and packing for Rome, to even give you a proper dressing-down."
Serena: "We were both there! We both chose to do each other!"
Dan: "I was feeling sorry for myself, you were trying to destroy your best friend. Both gross reasons, but to compare is not to equate. As far as I'm concerned, our parents' divorce means I never have to see you again. Farewell."
Serena: "But I love you!"
Dan: "I said Farewell!"

Serena, outside: "Mysterious person, we must scheme. I have lost everything, even more so than this season has already set up -- pretty delicately, in hindsight, insofar as my desperation came off as more than just a plot device by the end -- and I am ready to go twice as crazy."

CHARLIES

Lola: "Are you happy to accept my unlikely charity?"
Ivy: "I'm cool with whatever."
Lola: "I mean, CeCe left you twice this amount originally, so..."
Ivy: "That's a good point. Hey, do you need anything? Like money to live on?"
Lola: "No, I just need you to take down Lily for presumably sabotaging my mom's defense."
Ivy: "To be honest, Lily has finally pissed me off enough that I'm down for that. Aren't you all about how you don't want to become like them? Isn't that why you're giving this money away?"
Lola: "I'm not. You are."

Which is kind of lovely, isn't it? Lola didn't ask for any of this, and even if she's not going to be a Rhodes power player she's still a van der Woodsen, so she's fine either way. And Ivy, poor Ivy. All she ever wanted was to be a Rhodes, and now she might as well be one, and there's nothing Lily can say about it. And Lily? Well, she's been asking for an ass-kicking all season, and now that she's back with Bart and Charles where she belongs...

PARIS

Eleanor: "Why do you keep sighing? Are you sad about ditching Serena without a word? Or about leaving Dan behind? Or whatever Chuck shit?"
Blair: "Trust me, I'm just happy. Serena can go fuck herself, Chuck can go fuck himself, and Dan's been ignoring me all week. There's nowhere else I'd rather be than where I am. Thanks to Chuck's money, I mean."

Yay! Powerful Woman. The shape of things is looking better all the time...

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