Gossip Girl
Return Of The Ring

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 8 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Fallout Girl

JAIL

Carol: "Being on the inside has made me a different person. Prepare for me to act normal and caring. We'll start with, what a nice surprise that your father didn't doublecross us like I assumed he would, or like I keep doing to him. I'm glad you have all this money! We don't use money in here. Just cigarettes."
Lola: "I can't wait to get you a great lawyer."
Carol: "The firm of Abrams & Weil has taken my case! Based on reading about me in the New York Social Diary, I guess my relationship to the Lily and Bart situation is finally getting momma some traction..."
Lola: "Wait. Did you say Abrams? That's what people always call me, softly and under their breath, when I act the fool."
Carol: "In any case, move in with Nate. I don't really care about anything anymore."

Lola: Dear Lily, we need to talk about some things. I'm worried your sister has gone crazy. She's acting way too much like a mom right now and it's freaking me out.

EMPIRE

Bart: "Allow me to reiterate that I am proud of you, son. Even though you're wearing more purple than ever."
Chuck: "And how are things going with you and Rufus's ridiculous pissing contest?"
Bart: "She's a Powerful Woman, Charles. Which reminds me, how is life under Blair's constant fickle flakiness treating you these days?"
Chuck: "Somewhere between getting shot and having amnesia and importing a French whore to be my girlfriend, that got messed up. I didn't rape anybody, but I did break some housewares and went through a Fight Club period."
Bart: "And then she married a prince, and now she's with Dan Humphrey? That is a fucking laugh. Get in there, little man."

PRADA

Lily: "Lola, if you need any money for Carol's defense..."
Lola: "I have shitloads of money. And her lawyers are working for free anyway."
Vanya: "Mrs. Humphrey, I have unrelated legal matter for you."

It's the annulment papers, signed, which means Bart took Rufus at his word, which is ridiculously stupid. Lily tells Lola to leave so she can go freak out, having lost -- as far as she knows -- her Bart Bass lifeline, but of course Lola sneaks a peek at the envelope: It's from Abrams & Weil, and since she doesn't know this is about the bigamy stuff she presumably presumes that Lily is pulling some shit on her mom.

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