Random Waitress: "Here is a thing of drinks all over your clothes!"
Serena: "We'd better go somewhere mysterious and take off these wet clothes. It's a bar that's identical to the one in the Apartment where I fucked Nate."
Eleanor: "Still here, bitch?"
Penelope: "Where's Blair?"
Eleanor: "She left through Serena's room to avoid you. She's a Powerful Woman, you idiot. She can spot a Serena Plan a mile away, especially when it depends on Being Places."
Penelope: "Serena does tend to underestimate other people's ability to do that."
Penelope texts Serena with the bad news, that Blair's on her way just as Dan childishly demanded, so Serena shifts her game into Ultra Hardcore Mode.
Serena: "Can you unzip my dress? When you show a little skin it reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex."
Dan: "Not subtle, but not wrong either. [Babble.] Anyway, I can't imagine that she would do something like agree to marry Chuck without telling me first."
Serena: "True, but I'm going to disagree on a technicality. We're like best friends, right? So listen when I tell you that Blair is a bitch and I've been watching her mistreat you all season."
Dan: "That's one way to contextualize things, I guess. But Blair isn't really that person..."
Serena: "She is exactly that person. We've both been thinking she'd changed, but -- at least for you -- that's because you've gotten her confused with Clair from Inside. Maybe she has too. The important thing is that you're a hipster boy who falls in love with your fantasies about women and not the women themselves."
Dan: "True enough."
Serena: "Hey, I should know. And anyway, I guess I'm feeling the champagne and the nudity right now, because it's making me say that Blair's scheming ass probably only ever dated you because she knew that I was still in love with you."
Dan: "Right words, wrong lady. Or is it?"
Serena kisses him, and they stare at each other, and there's just a lot going on right now. Stories within stories within stories: She's not exactly lying, but she's not at all telling the truth either. Blair put their mutual jealousy back on the table, which was a really uncool move, but then also justifiable from her perspective given that things with Dan are already so tenuous and Dan is trying to force the issue in such a Dan way. And she's being honest with her feelings, which Imaginary Clair still won't do, and she still hasn't shown up, so it's probably going to be a bloodbath. If only Georgina were here to help Serena kill some dudes once we're done here.