Serena flees the paparazzi, realizing things never go her way when she rubs the lamp, and Carter appears out of nowhere, all, "I was in the neighborhood!" Actually, Gossip Girl reported her return and he came looking for her, explaining darkly that she can't avoid "what happened" forever. He grins, but she very pragmatically reaches back and undoes her halter, squealing "Oh, no!" in her best Marilyn voice before darting into the thick of the cameramen, nearly grinning back at him over her shoulder. "Spotted: Serena van der Woodsen, giving Carter Baizen the slip. But what happened between them when TMZ was MIA? Something tells me the truth is just out of focus..."

Wouldn't be GG without old GG talking crazy. Nate calls Chuck, having received a free car, a polo invite, and a note from William Vanderbilt: "Most unfortunate you missed out on the summer. Good thing fall internships begin next week!" Chuck, with Blair on his arm, offers Nate his sincerest condolences on being part of a family, and Nate decides for the fifth time running that his moment has come and he needs to break off from his family once and for all. "And I think I know how I'm gonna do it," he says, and you know this is going to be a plan so stupid even Serena would just cluck and shake her head.

In that very same coffee shop, V is complaining to Scott about how Dan lied about his mode of transportation and also that he was "helping his dad tomorrow," which was true but not as true as Gossip Girl's report that he's attending the Vanderbilt polo match in a Dior suit. Scott pretends he doesn't know what "Dior" means, by virtue of saying he's going to pretend he knows what "Dior" means. Vanessa drags us all back into the snarly mess of her head about God forbid Dan think she's judging him, and Scott points out that she is. He has no idea. "I'm not judging! I get it," Vanessa lies. "If I had a limo that followed me around, I'd take it too," Vanessa lies. "I'm his best friend, and I support him no matter what," Vanessa lies. "Even if he were rich and dressed like Truman Capote," Vanessa lies, and truths. Scott tells her to explain what a great friend she is to Dan, so then he'll understand what a great friend she is. Scott and Vanessa are two creeps in a pod.