Carter's offended about the stalking lie, and pulls a classic GG move: "You wanna tell them the truth, or should I?" Whenever anybody says that on this show, you get the fuck out of there. Leave your shit and get out. They talk about "the truth" and what it is, and Carter intones spookily, "Sooner or later, you're gonna be alone, with no one taking your picture. What will you do then?" Unrealistically cryptic! It's unrealipstic!

Nacho, a real life polo player, brings Serena the news that the first chukker is about to begin, and she bounces without so much as a fare-the-well, while ninja hobbit Carter melts into the night. It all happens way fast. Blair and Dan look at each other starved for information, while in the tents A-Rich and Chuck hit on each other, and elsewhere Scott and Rufus do the same thing. I don't recap conversations where people say "bootleg" or "vinyl," but basically Rufus tries to relate to Scott as his fan-slash-Vanessa's BF, and Scott just sort of stares at him longingly. Hey Scott, if you really want attention from your estranged father you should just flash your tits like that stripper you call a sister.

...Who, saffron toga flapping gorgeously in the last of the summer light, has just jumped onto a polo horse like Joan of Arc and gone galloping into the forest. You know I love Serena, especially when she does shit like this, but I have to say of all the inventively bizarre solutions Serena has come up with over the years, this is by far the best. That's a whole letter grade just by itself. Everybody stares at how awesome she is, and she does a lap for the paps before disappearing, Carter's stolen horse hot on her heels. That shit makes me feel sorry I hated this episode so much. That's just brazen. Flagrant.

Meanwhile, Bree Buckley's pointy face and Nate Archibald's confusing face are having a face-off because of how he just totally fucked her over and sprung a whole minefield on her for no reason, and he tries to explain it's because she's so awesome and rebellious just like him, but he's no Chuck and she's no Nate, so she isn't fooled. Instead, she tells him the longest story he or anyone has ever heard, and since he forgets it while it's happening I guess I should record it here: She was totally rebellious and crummy to her family like Nate is being, but then she missed her cousin's tragic wedding where she was left at the altar, and so now she's back here wearing a tiny crucifix and feeling guilty about life.