Ivy: "Hey, is this the same Max you managed to somehow make stand you up at that play?"
Serena: "Yeah, I've forgiven him. For that thing I myself did."
Ivy: "For such a bad dude, we sure do put him into dick positions a lot."
Serena: "We're making a cake together! It's going to be so dorky! I am so dorky!"
Ivy: "Hey slut, take it easy. Boys don't make passes at girls who bake cakes with them after wandering the city like hobos after sitting on their asses refusing to contact them at a crowded venue for their first date."

Serena: "I thought you wanted me dating!"
Ivy: "That was for your blog about your real life. This is your real life you blog about. Totally different. And baking is no fuckaround, sister. I'm afraid you are going to become a whore somehow, like in the old days."
Serena: "He hikes! He knows where Portland is. I'm all good."
Ivy: "Yeah, he came to find his ex-girlfriend. All the way across the country. He's probably still in love with her or something."
Serena: "I guess a walking date and a baking date in the same 36 hours is a little desperate and scary, you may be right."
Ivy: "Okay, having sunk you using merely words, I will now go help CeCe shop for makeup."
Serena: "God, I hate shopping for makeup! Our lives are endless toil."
Ivy: "As long as you're actually listening instead of being a retard, stop listening to TI, okay? Hey, back on track, do you think this old bitch is as crazy as she seems?"
Serena: "I just can't believe we're into Act II and nobody's made a gin joke yet."
CeCe: "Bitch, they don't even remember that one thing."

EMPIRE

Blair enters to find Chuck in a necktie, meditating. Because it's never too late to be tiresome, she assumes that he is doing sex yoga with some kind of sex ho. But no, it's a tiny little Dalai Lama guy who comes scurrying out into the room like it's a racist Florence + The Machine video.

Blair: "Oh, I guess you really are Good. I keep saying that and then forgetting I've said it. Over and over again."
Chuck: "Let's talk about that for a million years."
Blair: "It is a very interesting conversation."
Chuck: "I was being sarcastic. You can't tell, because every word I utter sounds like Alec Baldwin coughing up Christian Bale in a k-hole, because I am totally over this show."
Blair: "Okay, I'm actually here because I want to find out how you became awesome so that I can force Louis to become awesome in his turn. Or at least stop talking like that."