This shit is so good you guys!
Max: "She's not even your daughter! She's from the trailer park! Her dad OD'd on heroin in front of her when she was eight!"
Ivy: "That was my intense cover story, yep."
Max tries to produce the high school Playbill, but you know she snagged that shit already. CeCe gives a sweet speech about how much she loves Charlie, and Serena tells him to get his narrow, beautiful self out of there.
Max: "Just remember. I warned all of you."
He leaves and they are just a coven of people for a moment, being quiet. It's like simultaneously the same as the thing outside Swan Lake last year, where they all ganged up on him and made him feel crazy, but then also the opposite of that thing, because they were all circling wagons around Ivy. So good. So good! She will be on this show forever! Or at least until Real Charlie shows up, I guess.
I'm so pleased with this episode! Gossip Girl!
Rufus disco dancing. Bleep-bloop. Actually, once S and Ivy start chatting, it's really cute: Lily, Rufus and the formerly at-death's-door CeCe rocking out in the background like disco-dancing extras. I feel like at one point you might actually see Kelly Rutherford tweeting about how much fun she's having on-set, you know what I mean?
S: "I hope one day I will have a boyfriend that is not trying to get to me through you."
Ivy: "In the meantime, have some cake. You old maid."
S: "It goes right to my boobs."
Carol: "Sorry about changing Charlie's name. That lie some more."
Lily: "I just wanna be Rhodesses for as long as we have left. I just love Charlie like she's my own daughter."
Carol: "I can't even do the math on that one right now, but fine."
Jenny, Eric, Pilot Inspektor: "FFFFFUUUUUUH"
CeCe: "Thanks for not telling about my cancer that everybody already knows about."
Ivy: "Maybe you should tell everybody about your cancer some more."
CeCe: "Welcome to the deception and manipulation that is your main domestic export as a Rhodes Woman."
Ivy: "That will do just fine, grandmother dear."
...Means it. That's what makes this whole thing worthwhile.
Alessandra and Dan tweet hate and love about Dan himself back and forth. It is Dan's greatest sexual experience.