Gossip Girl
Rhodes To Perdition

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
It's A Fire

(Old-school Pete Fairman joke, what! I killed a person!)


Carol arrives while CeCe talks about how she wishes feathered hair were still in fashion. But I mean, when you're a Rhodes Woman that's two times dumb because A) Serena and B) Time travel.

Carol and Lily talk at each other in a very Gossip Girl way, which it in itself odd because her line -- off something CeCe says about preferring a certain type of flower -- comes after she gets off the elevator, meaning she overheard their conversation from inside the elevator, on a show where you can literally carry on conversations with people perched on your shoulder and they won't hear you:

Dialogue She Can't Hear: "[Mumble hoo-hoo muted trombone.]"
Carol, bearing flowers: "...How about Lilies of the Valley!? I totally heard you."
(It was like that. But the serve is returned...)
Lily: "...More like Valley Of The Dolls, now that you're here."

See? Totally Gossip Girl. Not a lick of sense. None of this scene makes sense. But it goes to a place that is like Heaven by the end.

Dumb Carol, verbatim: "I am here to reconstruct, not self-destruct. I promise!"
CeCe: "You are not invited to my party. What do you want?"
Carol: "Crack money. Also, me and my fake daughter are back together and we love each other and she invited me to the party."
Lily, secretly: "I am going to slap that girl. Her whole point is we hate you."
CeCe: "If you two bitches don't get along at this party, I will Blair the shit out of you. Don't pull focus. Otherwise, fine."
Carol: "Suck it, Lily."


Ivy: "Tell me all about your amazing date with a guy I certainly haven't met!"
Serena: "We spent the entire night together, but -- as with the many times this show has told this exact same lie -- we were just talking and exploring New York's fecund and varied blessings at all hours. Just walking around in our bras and being totally chaste. It's important because I'm about twenty-five, except in this one situation. Where I am a virgin. Juliet's brother and cousin never both tagged this, nohow. Just this constant walking."

Ivy: "Hey, is this the same Max you managed to somehow make stand you up at that play?"
Serena: "Yeah, I've forgiven him. For that thing I myself did."
Ivy: "For such a bad dude, we sure do put him into dick positions a lot."
Serena: "We're making a cake together! It's going to be so dorky! I am so dorky!"
Ivy: "Hey slut, take it easy. Boys don't make passes at girls who bake cakes with them after wandering the city like hobos after sitting on their asses refusing to contact them at a crowded venue for their first date."

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Gossip Girl




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