Blair, verbatim: "Sometimes that's fun. Don't judge."
Dan: "I don't even know what that means, but we are fucking cute."
Louis Pro: Prince.
Dan: "Of Monaco. What else?"
Blair: "He's the father of my child."
BITCH YOU ARE LIKE NINETEEN.
Dan: "But like, he doesn't have to be the only ending of the story."
Blair, verbatim: "You don't think it would matter that my baby is another man's child?"
Dan, verbatim: "It wouldn't to me."
...Damn. I choose Dan. He is really pulling out all the stops this week. Of course Blair flips into total delusion mode and asks him -- admittedly, in a trusted-friend confidante voice -- if he can go grab them some food. Ugh! Man, it took a while but I'm enjoying the hell out of this part now.
(On the other hand, Milo proved to us that Dan just wants babies, so there's a tiny little lack of romance there, but I mean: Nothing about this Bella Swan bullshit is romantic anyway. Louis, the wedding, the principality, the baby: All creepy obstructions that won't matter in the long run. If only Vanessa were here! I think this storyline might actually drive her over the edge. It would be so worth it to watch Vanessa just completely fucking unravel, without Blair even having to do anything. She'd go looking for rooftops to jump off of, and Chuck would already be there, They'd just gargoyle their asses off, all night.)
STOP DICKENS MY HEART AROUND
Max: "I am still a threat!"
Charlie: "Like, no, you're really not. We covered this."
Max: "Grr! Bone structure! Haircut! Great wardrobe all over this episode!"
Max hangs up and in some kind of foreshadow move I don't understand yet picks up a copy of that newspaper website which carries on its front page a huge picture of Nate and the headline FAMILY FIRST? NEITHER PAWN NOR PUPPET. Max is too much of a Florida rube to notice that A) Nate totally wrote and designed this himself, and thus is becoming a cooter, and B) "Pawn" and "puppet" are essentially synonyms in this context.
Lol. Neither Pawn Nor Puppet. God, I love this show.
Rufus: "This is mainly what I do, just wander the house poking into other people's business. What are you up to?"
Serena: "I am reading old Gossip Girl blasts. I've been to Santorini and I've been to Connecticut, Rufus, but I've never been to me."
Rufus: "This all makes a tremendous amount of sense. And what are you learning?"
Serena: "I am a ho, apparently. Dan and Nate are the best guys I've ever dated."