Needless to say, it is the greatest outfit she's worn all season. Everybody looks so goddamn awesome in this episode, it's like the guy came back from lunch or from having mono or something. Total 180.
Anyway, as long as Louis promises not to scheme anymore -- I assume but cannot positively confirm that he acquiesces to this demand -- she will help him sink Dan's battleship. And, presumably, anybody else who gets in the way.
Did I or did I not say, on these very pages only a week ago, that if I were Serena and Dair even raised its head above water, I would take every single one of these motherfuckers down with me? I did.
I neglected to mention, however, that I would do it while dressed as some kind of paramilitary sex mirage.
Serena: "To DUMBO!"
Louis: "Uh, maybe I should navigate."
Blair, heartbroken: "Well, Chuck pussed out. So problem solved, I guess."
Dan: "Uh, congrats?"
She is devastated. He grabs her and she holds on tight.
Dan: "Hey, what if you don't marry Louis? Because that is beyond stupid?"
Blair, not getting it: "Like be a single mom? That's the logical next step of the hash I'm making of my one-promising life."
Dan: "Uh, no. Like, don't you want to be happy?"
Blair, verbatim: "I don't think I know how to anymore."
say it say it say it
Dan: "I think I know how to make you happy."
Fuck yeah! Even Blair maybe understands what he's about this time.
THE STREETS, WHERE CAROL IS WELCOME
William is just standing around on some corner when Tripp gets out of some random car -- maybe this was a planned meeting? -- and they have a brief conversation about how Nate is the new Tripp and Tripp is nothing, and then William walks away, but also just chilling on this same random corner is Max, who immediately approaches to say how sick he is of "these people" pushing him around. Of course this show would just shove William Vanderbilt into the "Rhodes Women" category and everybody would start scheming about that even though the two things have literally nothing connecting them beyond Tripp and Max looking similar.
Tripp: "Do we have to make out?"
Max: "Looking at our IMDbs it seems inevitable."
(Serena: "In real life, every guy I kissed actually would turn out bi.")
They: Scheme about these people.