Gossip Girl
Riding In Town Cars With Boys

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
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So Much for My Happy Ending

He runs over to chat with Lily, ignoring the total breakdown occurring in this narrative, but then things get really sad. Lily has talked to the docs, and apparently Blair is awake and responding, but Chuck... Lily's whole face crumples in on itself. It's devastating.

(But it's also the entire reason for the sweet scene between them earlier, which is a bummer. Used to be they hid the seams a lot better -- or else those scenes were there for reasons of texture and character and these people having, you know, personalities. But in this particular plot-centric case, it did the trick. So I guess that counts as success.)

Ivy, now: "Carol, I just killed the two most important leads on the show and probably a baby. I am fucking out of here."
ibid., verbatim, also a lie: "This time, I'm not coming back."

Everybody hugs, and Ivy watches them for a sec before disappearing.

HERE'S A LITTLE DITTY ABOUT JACK & DIANA

Hmm. Do what you will with this, although I've thought all year they should just go with the obvious choice and have both Chuck's parents be a lie. Payne's in a car somewhere, and her phone rings.

Uncle Jack: "There's been an accident."
Diana: "...How bad?"
Jack: "You know I wouldn't take a risk like this if it wasn't serious. I had no choice."
Diana: "Okay, Jack. I'll get on the next plane. You'll meet us there?"
Jack: "Of course. Thank you, Diana."
Diana: "It's not me you should thank..."

On the one hand, sucks to wipe all the Bart stuff out when it's been the focus of most of both Chuck and Lily's storylines for the past four and a half seasons, and provided some of its best moments. On the other hand, it would be worth it to wipe the whole Chuck's Mom mess out of there, because that never at any point made sense, so it would be cool to fix that. Also, Chuck clearly inherited his ideas about acting from his Liz Hurley. It's in the blood.

But honestly, it's interesting no matter what, because that was some intelligent, lean Queller shorthand: Just from that dialogue you know that Jack would never be talking to Diana unless it involved Chuck, which leaves only the Vanderbilt thread hanging as far as whatever scummy stuff those older people got up to when they weren't all sleeping with Russell Thorpe and Lily Rhodes and each other's wives. I admit great intrigue.

NEXT YEAR

Chuck bleeds out, Blair's baby does something, and Blair undergoes her third religious conversion. So that'll be cheery. Maybe a distraught and nihilistic Lily can finally give her virginity to Uncle Jack.

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Gossip Girl

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