SOME RANDOM PRADA BEDROOM
Serena: "Whew, I'm glad we made up."
Dan: "Remember when our relationship was important enough to the show that our reconciliation -- one of the longest plots of this whole weird season -- could have been onscreen?"
Serena: "I just wish I hadn't sabotaged Jane's sabotage of your movie sabotage of my life."
Dan: "I just wish you were a better person."
Serena: "Why not? It made everybody else a better person."
Dan: "Explain in painful detail what you mean."
See, because Nate was half a person in the book, but now he is the CEO of a television network or something. Nevermind the fact that he took not one single proactive step in that direction and the whole thing was set up by his grandfather and some old woman: Serena is now addressing us and telling us how this season was supposed to have worked.
Or like how Chuck committed suicide in the book, but now he is in therapy. Nevermind that he didn't actually commit suicide in the book, or that he went to therapy because literally complete strangers kept walking up to him in every episode and telling him to go to therapy: Serena is onto something.
Serena: "But not for Boobs McLanahan, no. I was a ho in the book and a ho I remain."
Dan: "Well, and I'm still a pretentious fart salesman."
Serena: "At least you have the book to explain to you what your life was like and thusly examine your choices. Not that you have done so. I wish I had something like that."
You do. That resource is available to you. It is called thinking. People do it all the time. You useless girl.
Dan: "Well, your entire life has been documented. That's what this show used to be about. What if you used that information to do whatever it is that you do instead of thinking, like a normal human being would?"
Serena: "Better than having a job, I guess. To the Gossip Girl!"
Dan: "I think maybe you'll learn something you didn't expect. Despite being the actual actor in your own life."
Serena: "I don't even remember how I managed to get to breakfast today or why we are having this conversation. I think it's almost assured that I will learn something I didn't know."
Rufus: "What's going on in your little corner of the world, son of mine?"
Dan: "Serena just pointed out that we're the only people unaffected by my dumb book."
Rufus: "It's never too late to change. How about you do the worst thing I can think of?"
Dan: "Tell me more."
Rufus: "You should tell Blair how you feel!"
Dan: "Um, she is getting married? Also, how do you know about that?"
Rufus: "I am obsessive and a drama queen of the highest order is how. And, as always, inappropriately involved in my kids' sex lives."