Wordplay! The phone rings, and Blair adorably answers it while GG provides a scene transition: Why, it is Humphrey in DUMBO calling to set up an awkward and horrible meeting with her! Just at this moment!
Dan, verbatim: "I was wondering what you were doing today..."
Blair, verbatim: "Coming to stay with you, actually."
Done and done. Well done, actually. Nicely played.
Dan has made of DUMBO a palace for a princess, to a camp ridiculous degree, but they are so cute together it doesn't matter. He asks her how she's doing, and she's off!
Blair: "Everything is horrible! I need to go to Louis and reassure him that he's never gonna lose me, but something is stopping me..."
Dan: "Chuck is stopping you. You don't even have to. You two have some strange force field effect on each other. Physicists should study it."
Blair: "It's called producer tomfoolery. Please help me figure this one out. Chuck is perfect now, and I apparently have the keys to making Louis perfect."
Dan: "That is suspect, and this whole conversation is violently unappetizing. Make a list."
Blair: "Lists are for idiots like you and Serena!"
Dan, verbatim: "You're right. Go the Howard Hughes route. I'm sure you'll figure it out by the time you're peeing in jars."
Chuck Pro: He "truly" has become a good man.
Chuck Con: He's slept with every woman* in New York. It could get a little awkward at dinner parties.
Blair, verbatim: "Sometimes that's fun. Don't judge."
Dan: "I don't even know what that means, but we are fucking cute."
Louis Pro: Prince.
Dan: "Of Monaco. What else?"
Blair: "He's the father of my child."
BITCH YOU ARE LIKE NINETEEN.
Dan: "But like, he doesn't have to be the only ending of the story."
Blair, verbatim: "You don't think it would matter that my baby is another man's child?"
Dan, verbatim: "It wouldn't to me."
...Damn. I choose Dan. He is really pulling out all the stops this week. Of course Blair flips into total delusion mode and asks him -- admittedly, in a trusted-friend confidante voice -- if he can go grab them some food. Ugh! Man, it took a while but I'm enjoying the hell out of this part now.
(On the other hand, Milo proved to us that Dan just wants babies, so there's a tiny little lack of romance there, but I mean: Nothing about this Bella Swan bullshit is romantic anyway. Louis, the wedding, the principality, the baby: All creepy obstructions that won't matter in the long run. If only Vanessa were here! I think this storyline might actually drive her over the edge. It would be so worth it to watch Vanessa just completely fucking unravel, without Blair even having to do anything. She'd go looking for rooftops to jump off of, and Chuck would already be there, They'd just gargoyle their asses off, all night.)