Dan: "Like why do you even care?"
Serena, verbatim: "Because unlike you, I have her best interests at heart? Telling her your feelings is not gonna change your ending, it's just gonna mess with hers."
RIGHT? But Dan gets pretty awesome here too.
Dan, verbatim: "Well listen, the fact is, this doesn't concern you at all."
True enough. But then he goes into this whole I'm going to fuck everything up for everybody like a fuckface and embarrass myself and permanently damage about five different relationships for no reason whatsoever place, like defiantly, and the funny part is that he doesn't even know -- so how could Serena -- that Chuck would totally approve this entire thing going down. He would actually be on Dan's side of this fight.
Dan: "Even if it's the biggest kamikaze disaster of my life, it's my disaster. It's my ending. So stay out of it!"
Louis arrives at wherever she is, looking adorably hangdog and keeping that filthy foreign mouth of his closed.
Serena: "Fine. Then I may just help someone else get their ending."
...Ominous! Dan's like, "You fuckin' go ahead, freak." It's so rough, and also, what are they even talking about at this point? Dan doesn't give a shit. Everybody's a little Honey Badger this week!
...Everybody, of course, except Blair. Because this whole season is Opposites Day.
Charlie: "Hi! Bye!"
Nate: "Charlie, I am happy to see you. Today has been crappy. Including, Max came by looking for money. Watch out for that gorgeous drink of water, okay?"
Charlie: "Whatever, I'm so tired of that storyline. Sorry you can't come to my big party later."
Nate: "Actually, I can. Turns out I'm a huge fraud and I don't want to hang out with the Granderbilt."
Charlie: "I feel like we suddenly have parallel storylines, so allow me to talk about myself. It doesn't matter how you got here, Nate. Once you started the job, you did the work. I read that editorial you wrote, and it's clear that you've become the leader that you wanted to be. If you deserve to be that person, then own it and never look back."
Nate: "That just barely applied to my life, but thanks."
Apparently, the staging area for the debut party is Chuck's suite. You know, where Jenny lost her virginity that time and nearly ruined the entire family. The obvious place you would set up a debutante ball. I would give props for the irony, but as with so much this season who knows how much is intentional.