At the rink, B's hating on life and Roman is fucking up the ice, dangling from Harold like a spastic ornament. Harold is awesome, lovingly murmuring: "Damn it, you can do it. You can do it. Look at all these children. They're skating around fearlessly. Come on!" Roman mentions that the stupid skating children have a lot shorter way to fall. I grew up in Phoenix and Albuquerque, though, so even Roman's windmilling capers look like Olympic-level ice dancing to me. Harold asks Blair for some assistance for his wildly flailing SO, and she finishes up her text to Chuck, begging off that her laces are undone. Chuck's response: "Only 1 question: how did you fake ur virginity for N?" Her jaw drops, very adorably WTF, but I mean: WTF? Harold sends Roman solo across the ice for a hilarious sequence, with Harold yelling encouragement, Roman flying straight at her in total peril, and Blair beaming a huge smile, arms outstretched. It's terrifying. "Blair! Come give us a lesson!" At the last moment, Blair still smiling hugely and sweetly, a poisonous missive still written on her pocketed phone, she sticks her foot out just right, tangling Roman in a web of evil and pratfalls, and he goes down. You just...have to love her. "Spotted spinning at Wollman Rink -- the Blaircapades. All the grace of Nancy Kerrigan, but packing the punch of Tonya Harding," gloats GG. She makes a super sad face and skates over, while Harold cossets him in Frenglish. Roman protests his own clumsiness and Blair sweetly helps him up and away from the ice, joyful, fakely sad, hilarious, adorable.
Getting into the Waldorf elevator later, B is once more piqued. "I cannot believe that Daddy decided to stay with Roman instead of having tea at the Carlyle with me. The ER Doctor said he would make a full recovery!" Heh, like Harold would be all, "Laters, cool?" Eleanor points out that she and Blair had a wonderful time, injury included, and Blair apologizes. "It's just not the same. I don't understand how that French fox stole my father, and your husband, and always seems to come off like a-an innocent lamb." (And, as seems to happen at least once an episode on this show and on Battlestar Galactica, Blair elides the /s/ between "fox" and "stole" in such a way that really, she's calling him a French fuck. Loves it. Eleanor muses cattily that Roman was not always so innocent, and Blair jumps on it. Eleanor...who knows how much she knows, ever? She plays this scene like she's just being scatterbrained and carelessly gossiping, but you could say the same about the emotional abuse w/r/t the eating disorder too, so who knows? She's a beautiful, ugly enigma. "Well, when I first met him, he was going out with this model named Freddy, and Freddy was a horrible scoundrel." Blair, who knows a thing or two about scoundrels v. nice gay guys you might marry, plays the perfect note of innocent and naÃ¯ve interest. Eleanor expounds almost wistfully: "He was absolutely infatuated with him. Freddy had him under some kind of spell. I was the one who got him to break out of it and turn his life around." Stop and do a toepick on that line, because it's heartbreaking. "Don't mention Freddy to your father. It is a sore subject." Blair immediately asks Freddy's last name, throwing up one last red flag that her mother will ignore, and as the door closes on them, Eleanor does this hilarious face, like, "Whhhaaaa?"