Serena enters, finally, the Palace suite, which now contains a wonderful tree, topped by a huge red bow even bigger than one you might find on Blair's head. Dan already gave her the best gift imaginable: tangible truth of a long-term love affair, so recently requited -- but it's a fucking suave touch, and one that gives Lily and Eric something they needed too.
Rufus looks crazy hot in a red aprob and grey-brown Hensley, buttoned up like a college kid. He looks at Dan with a sneaky grin, and gives him obligatory hell for coming home so late. The message Dan left said the "tree shenanigans" were taking all night, but he didn't think it was literal. As though Dan is capable of being figurative. "Big production. Uh, luckily Serena's mom was there to help with the plan." Rufus realizes that Lily lied about Anguilla, and then that he has no room to talk, and thus goes silent. She never knows how his relationship with his wife is doing! It's constantly confusing! Alison and Jenny enter, sniffing chocolate chip waffles -- because in DUMBO we eat waffles at every meal, I repeat -- and Rufus grins: "With hot caramel sauce. Your father's Christmas specialty." Jenny giggles, knowing full well this is a Christmas present for her specifically: Rufus is going to run off to the gallery so that Alison can spend the day with her beautiful children, before leaving town again. One last Christmas, with no lies and no surprises. It's not ideal, but as Eleanor or Dexter in the Palace lobby can tell you, it's more than enough: it's perfect. All four Humphreys are sad, but willing to live in one last Christmas with no lies.
The Weepies -- remember when the Weepies were just something you liked, and not the voice of Christmas? My God, I loved them so much back in my Vanessa days two months ago -- play as Gossip Girl welcomes us to the closing montage: "Hear those silver bells? It's Christmas time, in the city. Some families actually do make the yuletide gay, managing to leave their troubles far away..." How subtle of you, Gossip Girl. I see what you did there. Blair, dressed in Underpants' finest, opens her mother's gift of a giant cape, and thanks her again and again. "Oh, look! You look like a brunette Catherine Deneuve! Quelle magnifique!" Apparently Roman can't think of any French people or phrases either. Blair sits down next to Dorota, showing her how to use the phone she bought her second mother: "It's so we can text. Do you like it?" Dorota thanks her, and inwardly rolls her eyes. If you were Dorota, it would be easy to blur the lines. I wish Blair were my daughter, even 18 hours a day. You wouldn't even have to pay me much.