Gossip Girl
Roman Holiday

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Vanity Blair

Blair texts him immediately: "Monaco, huh? Anything I need to know?" This is so confusing, because it gets all mixed up with her mom's relationship with gay Harold, like, in addition to forcing a raging eating disorder on her, Eleanor has not managed to teach her daughter a thing that every girl should know by high school, which is that if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, eventually it will leave you for a Frenchman, because it is actually a duck. And yet the show is not admitting the total gayness of her boyfriends, so that's a false positive on her mirroring of the relationship, except then the show keeps setting up these parallels. You've got Eleanor who has a pretty simple and mutually loving relationship with her gay husband, and a somewhat more complicated friendship with his lover. And you've got Blair, who has a pretty simple and mutually loving relationship with her future husband, and a more complicated friendship and romantic relationship with his best friend. But then those two parallel lines cross, because Blair's also getting abandoned by her father and her "real" boyfriend, and getting into complicated drama with the other boy in each set. But all the boys, they keep running off together and not answering her phone calls, no matter who they are, how old they are, or how gay they admit to being. (And we won't even get into how her relationships with all four men are actually connected to Serena, or manage to involve her as an indirect player.) So the gay thing actually cancels itself out, and you've just got Blair with a thousand lines converging directly on her migraine, all alone. In this episode specifically: every time something happens or changes with her father or Roman, Serena will appear, and that phone goes ding! and the story with Chuck changes again. Watch.

Serena comes running up as Blair's simultaneously clearing her text window and realizing that her father's plane landed 27 minutes ago. Blair brandishes giant candy canes -- a Waldorf father/daughter tradition -- and heads out to catch a cab, with Serena chasing behind her, shouting French encouragement. Out on the street, Blair screams at a taxi cab as it passes her by, and explains that Eleanor has welcomed the gays into her home for Christmas Eve, but has reserved (in keeping with Thanksgiving) Christmas Day for herself, her daughter, and poor old Dorota. Serena is her usual sweet, exuberant self, crowing that least Blair will have a couple of days with Harold before he hightails it back to the Continent. "No, it'll be more than just a couple days. I'm gonna convince him to stay in New York," says Blair, just asking for it in a very Jenny Humphrey manner. She calls Roman a "phase," but not the gay kind: "My father belongs here. With me." She assures Serena that the relocation to France was only intended as scandal-avoidance. "Time to come home, don't you think?" As a cab finally pulls over for her, she remembers that Serena wanted her help with Dan's gift; ever more important now that Vanessa has managed the most impossibly, implausibly "Dan-like present ever." Blair shrugs, hilariously: "Why don't you just buy him a new outfit for Cedric and call it a day?" They giggle, Serena notes Blair's characteristic lack of interest in the Dan Issue, and they wave goodbye.

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Gossip Girl

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