Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Fundamentals Of Botany, 1916

Over at the loft, Dan's having some weird conversation with "Aunt Irene" about I guess the guest list, and some socks, while Rufus dresses. When Vanessa enters, he begs her not to make him do whatever he's about to do, and Vanessa just gives him a firm upper lip in return. "You know it's only a matter of time before Georgina spills." Then why not tell Rufus beforehand? "Lily and your dad are too precarious right now. This is their wedding day, you can't drop a bomb like that. You're gonna have to hold Georgina off for one more day." Dan gets a headache that looks like Rufus impersonating Lily, and Vanessa promises he can do it. Rufus is disappointed that his son's running off on his big day, but Dan assures him that he doesn't want to know the details before leaving Rufus alone with his real son, Vanessa Abrams.

"...And watching the sun set over the ocean in Santa Cruz that day, I knew that Rufus Humphrey was meant for me." Serena stands there with a clipboard, horrified. "Mom, are you kidding me? Those could be the exact same vows you wrote for Klaus. You substituted lederhosen for Doc Martens, and Nice for Santa Cruz." Lily protests, realizes she's right, and goes into a funny faint-couch routine about how the vows are killing her. "This wedding isn't like your others. You're marrying Rufus. Your soul mate. The love of your life. Talk about that. And your futures together..." At that word, Lily's eyes go wide, and she looks twice as freaked out. Right, the future. Fuck.

Blair interrupts before S can notice that look on Lily's face: "Serena, I just got off the phone with the Mayor's office. He's agreed to expedite permits. Rufus and Lily can get married at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden!" Everybody squeals and screams, and S goes back into action: "Amalia, New Mean Girls, go to the Garden and get to work. Blair, you're on whip-cracking duty. I'll deal with the caterers. Mom, just please work on those vows." Lily is literally turning green at this point. You can barely hear her give assent. "We'll handle everything else."

"Wow, I wondered what happened to Poppy. I had no idea it was that easy to get someone deported!" Lame. Also, what? "That's... That is, um, that's so thoughtful. That's so... Georgina." Well that part's true enough. Dan and Georgina are strolling around somewhere, while Dan reels off all the lies about Orlando Bloom and so on before asking if they can, as a couple with a history, maybe give it a shot. Georgie is, of course, heartbreakingly moved by this idea, and immediately/scarily offers to accompany him to the wedding. Dan stutters and blows her off, and she's kind of sad, but when he says goodbye she jumps up and kisses the fuck out of him. He wobbles away, scared and sort of violated, and she immediately asks a random hotdog guy, "What does it mean when someone used to grab your ass, but now doesn't?" He shakes his head, because anybody but a Humphrey can actually spot a crazy, and good old Annie Wilkes Booth mumbles murderously, "It means that someone's a big fat liar!"

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Gossip Girl

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