Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Fundamentals Of Botany, 1916

Scott apologizes to Dan for the whole, you know, secret stalker thing, and Dan laughs awesomely: "You know what, I should have guessed. No one under forty has ever shown that much interest in Lincoln Hawk." Jenny and Eric show up, fighting over Scott's face: "See, I told you: He has my nose" and "Uh maybe? But those are my eyebrows." (I love that: I always do this with my stepsisters, who look just like us boys; I delight in it.) And does he like board games? (Of course he does. He dated Vanessa... Wait, I promised to be nice about managed fun.) Of course he does! Because he's great!

Dan tells Scott that Vanessa texted him to say she's sorry she couldn't make it. I hate that. She should have been there. She's been as much a cheerleader for this as Jenny and Serena have. I don't get it. I'm sure it's some kind of scheduling thing, but it does sort of rankle. Well, at least this way we're easily shod of Scott, who first feels bad about putting her in the middle of this whole shitstorm, which is nice to hear, and Dan calls her "an All's Well That Ends Well kind of girl," which is basically true -- although Scott better keep his act together because you know she'll whip that shit out at the first opportunity in a fight -- and then Scott goes away forever and ever and ever.

"I have to go back to Boston, my family, figure my life out. Lily said there's an open invitation, I'll definitely take her up on that. Maybe the holidays." Like the Feast of Our Lady Of The Endless Billy Zane Eyelash Extensions? So there. Fluttering away. Scott tries for a handshake, unaware of Dan's manhandling/man-handling proclivities and thinking he's safe because they're brothers, but there's no stopping Dan Humphrey when there's dudes to be hugged.

Actually, given the sick body he's rocking, I bet a Dan Humphrey hug right now feels really excellent. Perfectly non-Newtonian. Plus, how many times are you going to get the chance to scam on a guy that's half you, half your ex-girlfriend/sister, and 25% of all the children you could have had together? In a weird way it's like they're related. And you know Vanessa doesn't even care about dating him as long as she gets to have his baby. I will pay this show one thousand dollars if Vanessa Abrams manages to produce the Kwisatz Humpharach.

"The major problem of botany is to record, in order, the evolutionary steps that have culminated in the present condition of the plant world."

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Gossip Girl




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